by Melissa A.F.

Created on: June 14, 2009   Last Updated: June 19, 2009

The most valuable thing you can do when trying to assist someone with the grief and loss of a loved one, is to have the ability to become a chameleon and change your role, according to what the individual needs at that particular moment. This can be difficult because with each death comes a different grieving process, depending on the person and the situation surrounding the death itself.

It may sound like a big job to assist someone in their grieving process, but to the person grieving, there is no greater gift at the time of death than the remaining support system. To be able to assist someone in their time of need, you first need to recognize and be able to handle someone else's mourning period. At a time when emotions are running high, it can be difficult to not break down yourself but you must keep your emotions in check. This does not mean do not show any emotion at all, it simply means to let the other person regulate the flow of emotion. The grieving will need to rely on the strength of the other people around them at a time when their ability to be strong is waivering, so it is best to not break down for their sake. Holding their hand and crying with them can be a comfort, but sobbing hysterically when the grieving is trying their best to keep it together would not be beneficial.

I believe it is best to let those who mourn, talk when they want to talk and be silent when they feel the need to be lost in their own thoughts. While gentle encouragement to release feelings is acceptable, trying to force emotion out of someone who is not ready, will only cause resistance. Know when to step in and when to step back.

In many situations it can be a comfort to share stories and memories of the deceased loved one. Those who are mourning can find comfort in other people's recollections of the deceased because it gives them something to hold onto mentally. Speaking fondly of the deceased can keep the memory alive at a time when it is needed most. The aftermath of a death can be a tricky time period, so it is best to feel out the situation to see if the loved ones are ready to hear memories and stories. Usually the answer will be yes.

There is no black or white plan when it comes to being there for someone during a mourning period. Being self aware and aware of your surroundings is your best bet when figuring out how to approach such a delicate situation. The best thing you can do is lend your hand, your ear and your heart, to help fill the void of a great loss.

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