by Gerard Coulombe

Created on: June 14, 2009

f I were to tell you, dear Reader, that this assignment comes from my editor who secretly longs to be best friends with his mother after several years of virulent distancing followed by periods of detente, you would tell me, if you knew me well enough from my work, that I am not the best person to ask for advice on this topic.

A mother might want to be best friends with a favorite son or daughter and rank all the others as friends because they call on her birthday and other notable anniversaries. She loves to talk to all of them equally, at least that's what she tells her friends. Well, she will say she loves them all equally. But the eldest is her favorite. He's the one who knows his responsibilities to her. He's the one who through the mysteries of mental telepathy knows when he has made a faux pas where his mother is concerned because of some unintended slight or whatever the magic moment was that turned out to be not quite right.

Mom is friendly with the others, but with reservations. She will never repeat it outside the close relationship possible with her best friends, but there are people she does not like in a grown son or daughter's circle. Maybe the quirk of the daughter-in-law who has slowly distanced herself in recent years is the reason for the awkwardness felt by a son or daughter whenever the parent and the adult child get together. There must be a reason, she supposes turning the probable reasons over and over in her mind until she finds the daughter-in-law irritating, pure and simple. The son-in-law, however was diagnosed as egocentric or narcissistic before she dismissed him from her thoughts because the very thought of him is enough for an argument with the daughter.

There is useful advice to put forward however, even as the well has been poisoned a mite. So, you want to encourage your adult children to become your friends. The first thought that comes to mind is a predictive statement: Don't hope to succeed with every one of the children, and be thankful if any one of them is really interested in being friends. For, they like being adult children. They have worked diligently and unconsciously to uncoil from the apron string that's held them close to mom's chest. Of parents, one might say, why be friends, why can't they just be mom and dad.

Well they might think themselves lucky to have parents with whom they can interact, or visit once a year, or more frequently around the holidays, particularly where there are children

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