"Honey, does this dress make me look fat?" How many people really answer this question? Sometimes the honest answer is yes, but it's almost certainly suicide to say that to the person who asks. If you really think about it, more often than not, people aren't always honest with their assessments or answers. And sometimes like in this case, there's wisdom to it. Do you really want to deal with the result of saying yes if it's true? Probably not. .
This example is used for a number of reasons. For one thing, most of us say we want honesty. The problem is honesty isn't popular. Most of the time it's inconvenient or has consequences that people just don't want to deal with. Many of us tell little white lies all the time. In fact, we do it often everyday without realizing it.
How many times is the word "good" used to answer "how are you?" How often is there any degree of truth in that statement? What does "good" really mean? Nothing. It's a safe answer. It doesn't go into any details about what really is going on or what you are doing, yet ask a hundred people and ninety nine of them will with a zombie's precision say "good and yourself?". There's no investment in that answer. It's safe, and means nothing and lets people move on without making any serious connection. It's not a lie exactly, but it's far from honest.
If you think about it, there's lots of little white lies like this we say to others daily. The thing about little white lies is that they are consistant, and convenient. They get you through the day with little fuss, and usually without any real trouble.
If people were truthful in their answer of how are you, it would vary everytime. Some people would be happy, but others would tell you that they feel like crap, and maybe even why. Maybe the person answering would tell the questioner to go to hell. In this case, an honest answer may involve words and actions the questioner doesn't want to deal with.
There is no script to honesty. There is no set pattern, or behavior to it. Honesty is just the unabashed truth. Truth by its very nature is divisive and designed to make people uncomfortable. It also can as a result of its unpredictability burn bridges or create devasting consequences. People often talk about being sincere, but few can truly handle it without hurt feelings or an inability to confront their own inadequacies.
In spite of all this, there are advantages to being honest. You don't have to rehearse or memorize anything. The thing about honesty is that it is what it is. There is no sugarcoating (not that you can't be diplomatic sometimes) nor is there any set programmed response. For the person being honest, there is nothing to hide. There's a certain black and whiteness that is refreshing when you hear it. At the very least, you know exactly where that person stands, even if you don't like it. It's not necessarily the smartest thing you can do sometimes, but more often than not, it's the right thing. For yourself, first and foremost, and in the long run, for others. If the people you talk to have any kind of integrity, even if they do not like the truth, they'll respect you for it. If they don't, chances are you don't want to deal with them anyways, and no honey coated lie will save you from their lack of scruples.
There are times when maybe discretion is the better part of valor. It is suggested to probably say no if that lady friend asks if that dress makes them too fat. But for the most part, it's best to try and be honest and deal within reality as you know it. In the long run, fictions no matter how pleasant, burn bridges much more horribly than any reality. It's uncomfortable and not always smart, but in the long run, honesty tends to work out for the best.