by Alcomum

Created on: June 13, 2009

I have just been released from my first (and hopefully last) stay in an NHS psychiatric hospital. Here is my journal entry after the first 24 hours...

"There are so many contradictions going on here. Like for example, I am not allowed my mobile phone charger in my room, presumably in case I wrap it round my neck. As if - I do have some standards. Nonetheless, they leave floor length curtains in my room. Plus bed sheets and blankets. Maybe they are worried I mite stand with the charger connected in one hand, and dip my toe in the toilet in the other. But then why allow me to have proper, grown up, sane person metal cutlery to eat with? I could easily secret a piece back to my room and do the toe in the toilet thing anyway. Very perplexing.

I have been in a hospital only a couple of times before - the non-nut house type - so I know the deal when its time for meds to be dished out. Whole different story here though. First, we have to queue up. Like at a post office. And, just like the post office, the queue starts about an hour before the shutters open. And I do mean shutters. Behind the shutters is a stable-type door. The top bit opens, and it turns out the door is about 4 feet thick (lest any of us try to lunge desperately for more drugs).

The drug staff work in pairs, like Securicor only without the helmets and the van full of money. One sits on a chair (as far away from the stable door as possible) with a huge big notepad. The other stands at the left hand wall, which is stacked from floor to ceiling with every drug known to man and veterinary surgeon.

Wall man tells chair man the name of the trembling horse at the stable door. Chair man repeats the name loudly at least 6 times while flipping through his notebook trying to look as important as a police sergeant in court. Then the script goes something like this:

Chair man: "5mg temazepam"
Wall man: "that's 5mg temazepam"
Chair man: "that's correct. 5 of temazepam"
Wall man: "ok, 5 of temazepam"

That is duly dispensed into a little plastic beaker. Poor shaky horse man is about ready to keel over by now. And all the other horses are getting decidedly twitchy. Then;

Wall man: "anything else?"
Chair man: "an-y-thing else... Hmmm... Wait til we see..."

Shaky horse is now ready to be shot. And the rest of us could get a bit trigger happy as well come to mention it.

Chair man: "was he not on that fluoxetine as well?"
Wall man: "he was aye. Does he not need it now?"
Chair man: "wait til I check..."

Oh for goodness sake.

I'm starting to wonder if it is actually 2 mental patients who get to go into the drug stable for good behaviour.

I'm being a bit mean I guess. All the mental patients I have met so far seem to have a hell of a lot more wit about them than that.

Guess will see what joys tonight brings... "

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