1 of 32

Write now Article Tools

Page 2 of 2

mind:

After a very traumatic and emotional separation with my husband, the first thing I did upon leaving was stop to buy a pack of cigarettes. "Why am I doing this?", I thought. I began to reason with myself, "Just one pack. I'm stressed. I won't start smoking again." I think we all know what happened from there. That one pack turned into 2 years of relapse smoking. What's worse, I'd been guilting my conscience about it for 2 straight years. I was embarrassed that I had relapsed. I was embarrassed that I smoked. I was embarrassed to be so weak. When all you feel is guilt and embarrassment from doing something, why do you continue to do it on purpose? Addiction is powerful and it makes you feel weak.

A couple of weeks ago I developed a terrible cold. Nearly bedridden for 3 days, I had no desire to smoke and knew it wasn't a good idea anyway. I decided to use the momentum to my advantage and that 3 days has now been 13. While I know that 13 days isn't a long time, I know that I'm going to make it this time. I'm free of the self-guilt, embarrassment and expense. No more standing outside smoking and feeling guilty while everyone else is inside having fun! No more smell on my clothes, no more bad taste in my mouth. No longer am I a slave to the addiction.

And while I know that this time I'm done for good, I will still think about smoking. I will miss it like an old friend.

Learn more about this author, Robin Eads.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.

• << previous page
• 1
• 2

Add your voice

Know something about Confessions of a smoker?
We want to hear your view. Write now!