by Savannah White

Created on: June 12, 2009

Even though there are numerous complaints about the lack of available people in the dating pool, there are plenty of men and women to go around. There is no good reason for you to date your ex's friend.

Think back to the time you were dating that ex. Times were good. In the beginning it was fun and exciting. There was laughter and smiles, flirting and hand-holding, hugging, kissing and more. At some point that newness wore off and the real relationship began. You and your ex started to see each other for the people you really are, and that was okay. Later in the relationship you discovered the two of you were not meant to be together forever, so you parted ways. Maybe you parted on good terms and can be civil if you run into one another, which doesn't happen that often. His good friend, however, you see every time you walk out of the house. He's starting to look good to you, so what do you do?

First, figure out why this guy is catching your eye? Did you find him attractive when you dated the ex? You may have. It is not unreasonable to find one person attractive while you are involved with someone else. Just because you find a person attractive does not mean you are attracted to them romantically. That takes us to our second point. Is he just good looking or is there a spark of something that could be?

When you get that spark or have chemistry with someone it is thrilling. You want to hold onto that feeling and see where it takes you, but be careful. Again, remember your relationship with the ex. It went from a wonderful spark to reality bites to the end of your relationship. During that time, where was this friend you now find so intriguing? How did he behave toward you? Was he always nice, or did he resent you taking up all of his friend's time? Was he happy to see you and the ex part ways?

There are times when dating the ex's friend is acceptable, and can even lead to a happy, long-term relationship. That doesn't happen often, but it is possible. Most of the time dating the ex's friend will be a short-term affair you regret. Why does this happen? Because your ex's friend is probably a lot like your ex. They are friends who have many things in common. Some of the things that bothered you about the ex may bother you about the ex's friend. The new guy will also come into your relationship knowing more about you than you like. He remembers your past with his friend and has heard the good, the bad and the ugly about you. That may give him some predetermined ideas about who you are and how you behave. Do you want that?

Ultimately, who you date is up to you. Just keep in mind that you will find many people physically attractive, but you will not date all of them. You will have a spark with many people you find attractive, but it will rarely go past that. You will save yourself time, energy and heartache if you skip dating the ex's friend and find someone new.

Learn more about this author, Savannah White.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.