by Carline Francois

Created on: June 12, 2009

How Sex Between Friends Changes the Dynamics of the Friendship

When two people become friends, it sets the tone for the friendship. You are in the beginning stages of getting to know each other(s) that you have something in common with. There's also a mutual respect that each person has for one another. The friendship is clean and pure. As you get to know each other, negative conflicts may arise, and through forgiveness and understanding you reconcile and continue being friends. This makes the friendship strong. There's a foundation that is taking form and it's built on trust, respect, purity, honesty, unconditional love and caring for each others well being to name a few. Once that foundation is established and going strong, you don't want to do anything to break that bond of friendship or hurt the friendship. Even if something were to arise to threaten the friendship, you have the sense of defending and protecting the friendship. If not

When sex becomes part of the friendship, the foundation that the friendship was built on is broken and the bond of friendship is broken. It's as if you have to start from scratch at different level. Sex and friendship are not made to come together when there's an understanding that friendship is known to be a platonic relationship between the parties involved. Friendship has its own foundation and rules. Sex has another set of foundation and rules. Sex is not platonic, it's between two people. The dynamics of sexuality are two people who consent to sharing themselves for reasons within or without the bonds of marriage. The dynamics usually hinge on attraction, romantic emotional feelings of love, and then the idea of sharing yourself with this person. Then you have to think if this person someone you want to share your life with, have children with, get along well with, does that person have a good character, are they honest, are they willing to wait until you're both married, what are their morals and values, what are their goals in life, and to name a few things that one should think about. No matter what people say, when two people have sex, there's a sense of wanting more. It's a natural human reaction because we were created for relationship. Sex has its place where there is no confusion or unnecessary hurts. The wisdom of sexuality is that it is made for within the bonds of marriage because of the delicate, deep bond that it creates, and its a special gift you give to each other. Part of yourself is taken away when you have sex with someone even when it's a friend. Many times one does not want to mix the bond of friendship with the bond of sexuality because it does take the friendship to even deeper level that both parties may not be ready for.

Yes, there are times when one is hurt (or intoxicated) and in the midst of that hurt or intoxication your friend is there to comfort you and a sexual situation happens. However, when that happens both parties should talk about it (if you're both comfortable, honest, and respect each other still) and maybe make a vow for it not too happen again. This depends on if the friendship is good and strong. However, if the friendship is broken because and can not be repaired of this, then it's a lesson to learn for the future. Either way it's always good for both parties to apologize (usually if you have you both have a good unselfish friendship this should not be a problem). Before that even happens though, always know that a friendship is with a person or people that you want to have a lasting relationship with and therefore you wouldn't want to do anything to break or compromise it.

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