No strings sex between friends. One hot night, or several spontaneous sessions. No emotions. No expectations. Everything goes back to normal when the morning sun shows its face. BEWARE! This is an urban legend that has ruined many friendships. This is not to say it can't happen, or that it hasn't happened before. Like every urban myth, a friend of a friend's friend, or someone you once met a long time ago, or, even worse, someone you actually know, has been lucky enough to stumble upon the utopia of friendships. Suddenly you're in a situation with your best friend. You've had too much to drink, or you're going through a bad break up, or she is, and you start to think hey, has Bobby always been this hot? Bobby is suddenly looking at you with his bedroom eyes, and you think why not?"
Before you make that sprint for the sheets you need to think about how sex will affect your friendship. No matter how much you or your friend try to convince you that it won't- IT WILL.
The Touch Boundary
You know the difference between that buddy you have a great time with, and hang with all the time, but you don't really recall ever exchanging more than a hug, and that person who knows just when to fold you into their arms, or hold your hand? That last person is the one who you consider a closer friend, right? That's because you've broken the touch boundary with them. There is something special about allowing someone within your physical space that creates a certain level of intimacy.
Think about it. When we flirt we try to reach out and touch the person at some point, right? Whether you realize it or not, you are trying to assert yourself as a possible lover. You are differentiating your intentions from just a friend to potential suitor. If the other party allows your touch, you know that you can move forward in your pursuit. These are just some of the sublties of flirting, which might seem inconsequential but are steeped within our subconscious as methods of categorizing the levels of intimacy we create within our lives.
We allow certain people to cross the touch boundary on different levels. There is a level of familial bond that makes it okay for your parents to hold you in the way that is comforting and refreshing. There is a level of friendship that allows people you are close with to hug you, and sometimes even cuddle you. Then there is a level of intimacy that allows your lovers to touch you anywhere at almost any time. Perhaps we are not aware of these levels consciously, but we do occasionally recognize them, and appreciate their existence.
Expecting a friend that becomes a lover for only a night to return to being just a friend in the morning can cause some major confusion. Usually these intimacy levels are a one way street. Once you go up, it's really hard, if not impossible, to come back down. The unconscious reactions to having achieved another level of intimacy often overpower even the most explicit of communication. In a nutshell, it's going to be awkward, and no one will be able to help it. Moreover, some people associate certain emotions with these higher levels of intimacy. So even if they didn't intend to beforehand, after sex they might form a crush, or worse, fall in love.
Trust
You would think that sleeping with your bud would increase the trust between you. In some very rare instances this might be the case, but like most urban myths, this doesn't hold true for most people. Here's why.
There is an unspoken agreement inherent in friendships, especially those made up of members of the opposite sex and of the heterosexual persuasion. It is a sacred trust which gives each party the ability to rest easy that the other person is not trying to get the other into the sack. This is an important feature of the hetero-opposite sex platonic friendship. Let's get one thing straight. If there is one person whose feelings already have gone beyond friendship, the other person, whether they have admitted to themselves or not, knows this and alters their behavior accordingly. However, a true platonic bond, functions outside the realm of sexuality, much like siblings. The beauty of this relationship exists in the purity of the trust. A trust that no matter what the situation, neither party will take advantage of weakened emotional or inebriated states and cross the boundaries of friendship.
Even under the most communicative of circumstances, if the sexual boundary is crossed, the purity of the trust is tainted if not shattered. Again, this is a one way street situation. Once you've gone there, you can't go back. After a sexual rendezvous, both parties now have to wonder if the actions of the other person are motivated by the hopes of a repeat performance. This changes the very nature of the friendship.
There are circumstances where this can work. Some people are very open about their sexualities and are capable of compartmentalizing their physical desires away from their emotions. Perhaps you might even be one of these people. Before you decide to take the leap with your pal, you really need to consider whether he or she has the same capabilities. Then you need to decide what you will do if you are wrong. If in the end things work out for you, kudos, you have achieved platonic nirvana. If they don't, you will never be able to recapture the essence of the friendship you left behind. Remember, friendships can take a lifetime to create, but only one moment to destroy.