In the past when a person passed away a funeral or memorial service was held. Today more and more people are opting not to have funerals. There are probably a myriad of reasons why this is so. Among reasons I can think of are the financial outlay that is required to hold a special service for a deceased person. Secondly we are living in a very impersonal age and there are less and less intimate connections in the world today. A third reason is that people, before they die, have asked that there be no funeral or memorial service.
Having spent over thirty five years in Pastoral Ministry I have conducted numerous funerals in my life time. Although I would never say they were a joy to conduct, I would say they are a means of blessing and comforting loved ones and friends left behind the deceased. I believe that funeral services and memorial services are meant for the survivors more than they are for the one who has died.
Funerals and Memorial services give an opportunity for closure to loved ones left behind. They are also a great opportunity to share memories and reflections about the one who has departed. The funeral service supplies an opportunity for the community to reach out in compassionate support and care for those whose hearts are filled with sorrow and a sense of emptiness and despair.
In my Pastoral Ministry when I was asked to conduct a funeral service, it became my custom to meet with the family of the deceased one. This was an opportunity for me to spend time with the family and try to be supportive of them in their grief. It was also during this meeting that I would pick up antidotes and little snippets about the life of the one who had died. I would craft these stories into what I would say about the deceased person. I would also try and obtain from the family what they would remember their loved one for. I would ask each person in the family what they would remember and this always allowed me to come to know the person, even if I had never met them when they were living. To me it made the person come alive (forgive the pun). These stories and memories became a way of remembering the deceased and also helped to bring closure for the grieving loved ones.
As I write, my mind goes back to a time over thirty years ago. I was living in a small town on the Canadian Prairies. One night a fire broke out in a small travel trailer on the outskirts of the town. As the Chaplain to the Fire Department, I was asked to be present as it was strongly felt that there was a loss of life that night. As it turned out the only fatality was a young girl who would have been eight years old the next day. I knew her because she attended our small Sunday school.
Two days before the fire she had told my wife that her only wish was that her mommy would come to church. The night of the fire her mother and stepfather were not home. Some how a tragic fire occurred and this beautiful young life was lost. That night I was the one at the morgue that identified her body. Three days later I conducted her Memorial Service in my Church. As I went through the Service my heart was breaking and I was very aware that if I broke down and wept that many more would weep. Most of her grade 2 classmates were present. During the Service I gave opportunity for community people to talk.
A sense of community loss was present, and yet the Memorial Service gave us a collective opportunity as a community to express our sense of loss and also of support for one another. At the Service I felt lead to speak about this beautiful young girl, who in this earthly life loved flowers. I spoke about how I now envisioned here frolicking in meadows of flowers and enjoying herself. I said God, in love, invited her home where there was no more pain or sorrow or hardships.
She was a beautiful young girl who everyone loved. Her time on earth was far too short, but she is now in the presence of our Eternal Lord. A sense of love and peace came over our whole community that afternoon. Truly the Lord was near and became a healing balm to a grieving town.
I believe that the statement that funerals are not for everyone is true, but I also believe that funerals and memorials are a tremendous opportunity to celebrate the life of a departed loved one and also can bring a sense of closure for loved ones. I believe that funerals and memorials can be a real healing bonus to grieving individuals.