by Amber Weier

Created on: June 12, 2009   Last Updated: June 15, 2009

When I wake up I am stiff, I never feel the satisfaction of a good nights sleep anymore. I remember waking up years ago and thinking not about how I felt, but that it was a brand new day, and that I had so many things I could do and relishing the chance to try everything. That has changed, I think now only of what I am required to do, of wanting to go back to sleep and of how I will never have enough time to get everything done.

When we are young, tastes are exciting, days last forever and we can find the fun in everything. I am not sure exactly when it happened or how, but I can vividly remember being younger and thinking, I will never be old. I will cherish everything with the same vigor as I do now. I will love the green color of grass and thank the sun for giving me freckles and laugh out loud every chance I get. I tried extremely hard to hang on to that carefree whimsy that governed my games of hopscotch or that hoolahoop contest I won in second grade. How exiting rootbeer floats were and that cosy pajamas were my clothing of choice. It has been forever since I wore a tutu to the grocery store, I have long since grown out of my red rain boots that I wore even when it wasn't raining. Roller coasters hurt my back and I can't remember the last time I went out for ice cream or skipped across a parking lot.

I miss weaving through the neighborhood on my bike without rhyme or reason, just listening to the baseball card in my spokes and feeling the wind whip my long hair into my face. I ride my bike now to be eco-friendly and my hair is much too short because it is easier for my routine. I cannot believe I have a routine. I feel that if I were to meet my 9 year old self today, she would kick me in the shin and say "look what you did to me". I miss that precocious little lady with uncrushable dreams who was going to join the peacecore and be a veterinarian and a helicopter pilot so she could travel the world.

I have never been in a helicopter and I have never been out of North America. Then again, I am not bad off, I am healthy, young and I have the rest of my life to live. I just don't know when I made that switch. Probably around age 20, when things started getting real and sneakers stopped being practical shoes. I think I might visit my younger self and run through a sprinkler this weekend. Or maybe eat of cookie for cookie's sake. I don't know if they make tutu's for adults, but maybe if I slip one on and skip to the ice cream truck it might make getting out of bed a little easier come Monday morning. Is there a difference between young young at heart?

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