by B.E. Batson

Created on: June 12, 2009

So anyway, I was working on a Saturday at the plant a few years back. I was standing at the urinal taking care business when from the toilet stall right next to me and I heard in a soft manly voice "whatcha doin?" I didn't say anything at first ,then I heard it again! So I go into a rather lengthy discussion which is best not repeated here. Then as I was calming down i heard his soft speaking voice again this time I could tell HE WAS ON HIS CELL PHONE! Now there is nothing good about working on a Saturday except maybe the fact that there a so much fewer people there that the restrooms are usually empty. They are usually completely empty which is great for two reasons. The first one which would seem to be the most important is cleanness. Yes with the lack of use they of course stay cleaner but that is not the best thing about it. The best thing is reason number two no reason to worry about the do's and don'ts of proper urinal use. That means you don't have to make important decisions like "Which urinal should i use?" Which brings us to the first unwritten rule of urinal use.

!. If you are the first to enter restroom you should use the urinal furthest to the left.

Sometimes when I'm feeling mischievous I will go to a middle urinal then watch they guy squirm(HE HE HE!)

Which brings us to rule number two, which should need no explanation.

2. If you are the second to enter restroom you use the urinal two stalls to the right of current patron.

Now this leads me to one of the greatest questions of all mankind. "Where do you place the short urinal?" It is not such a big issue if the restroom has more than three urinals. But, if you only have three why do they always put it on the far right side? This just makes the use of proper urinal etiquette such a hassle. (Unless you are vertically challenged) Because most men of average height do not want to use the short urinal BUT they do not want to stand next to another man and the both you have your junk in your hand. Especially when it comes to time to shake! You no most men can count shakes just from the shoulder movement seen from the corner of their eye. God knows you can't actually look.

Now this brings us to rule number three

3. WASH YOU HANDS!

Sure no explanation is needed but this one is the that most often broken. For some reason some men don't realize that the other men are watching and TELLING everyone they see upon leaving the restroom. Hell if they know you they may never quit telling that story. So please keep that in mind.

Now most all mens training in proper urinal etiquette began with their dads and the first and foremost rule every man ever learns is "DO NOT TOUCH". That rule sticks with ever decent man alive till his death. Thats why you always see foot prints on the wall behind the urinals flush handle, everyone uses their foot to flush. So please everyone try and follow these simple rules AH! I KNOW you know 'em already.

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