by Heather Davis

Created on: June 12, 2009

Living with anorexia....

Not only was I living with anorexia but I was doing it in my thirties. Living with anorexia is like living with your best friend, lover and enemy together. Anorexia works very hard and eventually gets what it wants, your heart and soul.

In my twenties I played with bulimia after a very nasty break up. I quickly learned of the stress relieving benefits of purging. I somehow was able to not fall into bulimia's trap completely and would only purge occasionally over the years in times of intense stress.

I had my first child at 29. She was perfect. I was shocked after having her that the weight was still there. I had never had to deal with weight. The first year I was off of work and was happy being home with my baby. My weight bothered me, mostly if I visited my home town as I had never been overweight.

I went back to work a year after having my daughter. My job as a child protection worker was stressful and I fought with the government to allow me to work part time. So, therefore, the first few weeks back were hard. I had, however, lost the weight and was back into my old clothes.

One night I was stressed and ate supper and threw it up. I promised myself I would not do that again but would cut back. That was the choice that changed my life. The next day I started cutting my calories and working out during my lunch hour.

The weight began to drop off of me. I loved it. I would tell myself that once I got to 125 I would be happy. I quickly got there and it kept falling off.

I am over five foot seven so this weight was becoming noticeable. However, we live in such a weight loss addicted society that I received many compliments.

I was eating a 60 calorie yogurt in the morning, a slim fast shake at lunch after working out and a lean cuisine for supper and having nonfat ice cream at night. I felt great. I had energy I never had before. I felt bones I never felt before. I would fall asleep at night holding my hip bones.

At work, I found it hard to stay focused as my thoughts turned to food, but low fat healthy food. I searched recipes online for hours. I also decided to become a vegetarian.

I started to notice I was cold all the time. I didn't mind though, I loved my skinny body. My supervisor who was very close to me started to notice, but I brushed her off. I started shutting my door when my coworkers had break as it annoyed me to hear then talking and laughing.

My body didn't like what I was doing.

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