by Matt Bird

Created on: June 11, 2009

I have to admit that I seldom participate in April Fools' Day. I generally forget it's even come around, though given the events of the day I remember rather quickly can thus remain on my guard for the rest of the day. Yet despite my non-participation I wish I felt more enthusiasm for April Fools', as I always come up with lots of weird pranks that would work beautifully on just about anyone.

Here are a few of the ones I've dreamed up. Make more use of them than I have, and enjoy.

1.) If you live with anybody, wake up early and be kind enough to pour them a bowl of cereal - but instead of milk, use finely whipped, relatively thick cream. They won't notice the difference until they take a bite, and depending on the cereal they might even enjoy it more than the milk.

2.) Glue one of that same person's slippers to a floor tile with quick-drying cement, and then line it up exactly with another floor tile. They'll slip in and walk away with a nice tile attached to their foot.

3.) Fill their shampoo bottle with a condiment of your choice. Ketchup and mustard are fine, though I think mayonnaise will serve best to give them a lovely scent for the day. What's more, mayonnaise looks a lot more like normal shampoo than other condiments. Bonus points if you manage to pull this off with rank salad dressing, as people will want to eat the pranked at work.

4.) Replace any fruit in their lunch with wax or plastic equivalents.

5.) Line the seat of their car with cake icing that's the same color as the normal upholstery. They'll step in and sit down without noticing any difference and cream their pants rather nicely.

6.) For cat and sewing enthusiasts: find a piece of their clothing that's got space in-between the fabric, make a cut in the fabric and slip some catnip in. Enjoy as your cats go nuts over the person.

7.) Replace all the shaving cream in their can with whipped cream. (That stuff is pretty dynamic.)

8.) If you can swing it, arrange for a pizza company to show up at your house with ten or so boxes of pizza. Have the victim answer the door, get confused, and then have the pizza guy mention - quickly, too - that the pizzas only cost a few dollars thanks to 'prior store credit' or something like that. If the person is anything like me, they'll gladly accept the boxes - and then open them to find them empty. Or with pizza crusts, if you want to pay a bit extra.

9.) If the person is reading something, go out and buy a foreign language equivalent. Switch the covers and confuse the devil out of them. This is especially befuddling if they can actually read the language.

10.) And, if you're a married woman, hint throughout the day that he's going to 'get lucky' later that night. Then, when moment comes, say you're going to slip into something more comfortable - and then quietly hightail it to your car and go out with your girlfriends for the night.

Sorry, guys. It'd be amusing for everybody but the poor guy.

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