by Amber Weier

Created on: June 11, 2009   Last Updated: June 13, 2009

Planning a wedding is stressful enough without the added stress of a few sour apples on your family tree. I know from personal experience how difficult it can be creating a guest list and making a seating chart when families are divided and people do not get along. I was told by one dear relative, that if I invited my father (who has a shadowed past and recently I have began to rebuild a relationship with) that they would not come to the wedding. My feelings were, it is our wedding, my future husband and I, and if you feel that way, we would probably rather you not come. I bit my tongue and put up with the barrage of texts and voice mails about what a snake he was, or how it would be disrespectful to the rest of the family to have him there that were sprinkled over the next month or so. When this person began to involve other family members in the crusade, and they too began pestering me about my decisions, I put my foot down. Enough was enough. I called a family meeting, which was no small task, most of my family is scattered down the east coast and Midwest, and laid it all out on the table.

I told them that it was our wedding, not theirs, when they are getting married they can invite whoever they please. I insisted that they stay out of our plans. I told them that if they could not accept our decisions, then should not come. They would be the only ones missing out. If they had creative input that is great, ways to save money, I'm all ears, something productive to say, speak up. Other wise keep it to themselves. It felt great. The emails have stopped and I haven't heard a peep about who is or isn't coming to my wedding.

It is unfair for anyone to impose their viewpoint on your special day. Granted it can be tricky to keep the peace. Sometimes it is better to get things out in the open and stop any disagreement before the wedding day. It is a day that should be remembered for how happy it was, and how wonderful the wedding was. There are enough things to worry about aside from a family feud mid-reception. Family problems can come out in nearly every aspect of a wedding; pictures, ceremony and even festivities Anyone who is going to put a damper on the happy occasion should be informed that they should and must be civil at least and if they cannot, it is better they not come.

It is easier to remove the opportunity for things like this to come up, before the wedding. It is important to be upfront with anyone who is having trouble with any aspect of your wedding. Weather it be a mother in law who wants you to be married in a specific location or a friend who insists on bringing a guest you do not want there, talking things out and making your wishes known are extremely important. After all, it is your day, and you deserve it to be exactly how you want it and no one can design it for you.

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