by Matt Bird

Created on: June 11, 2009

I've had two relationships, now, that were largely conducted over MSN (though the first had dashes of AIM, as well). The first I can understand, as she lived a ways away; the second, however, was with a girl living in the same town.

We got together lots, sure, and those times were great. But much of our time together was spent over a messenger service, especially when she was busy with school and I with work (or vice versa, depending on what year we're considering). It got to a point where we'd talk every day, but only see each other once a week. And though I didn't mind this arrangement too terribly at first - I understand the need for work to come first - eventually it became intolerable. Needless to say we've since broken up, partially because we never saw one another.

Messenger services can only help a relationship along to a point. The other person's words come through loud and clear, and all the cutesy little smilies and hearts and such are well and good. But there's no amount of instant messaging that can truly convey a person's love for another when compared to the same messages given in person.

You can't hug over a messenger. You can't kiss. You can't cuddle. You can't sit and watch movies, tickle one another, fall asleep together, love together. The messenger is a constantly faceless reminder that you're not together, and regardless of how much you talk to each other you'll always be missing the other person.

Worse, the messenger is a way of hiding problems. It's hard to tell if there's something wrong with the other person if they're talking via a messenger. You're only finding out as much as they're letting you know, because, let's face it, you can edit messages. Discrepancies in the person's writing style may hint at problems, but never so clearly as an in-the-flesh funk or temper tantrum. And because online chatting can so effectively mask these little problems, they may not come out into the open air unit it's too late to do something about them, thereby potentially ruining an otherwise healthy relationship.

Long distance relationships can only last so long, and messenger services provide essentially that. For a relationship to work two people need to be TOGETHER, not on separate computers talking to one another. And so long as people continue to think otherwise they'll continue to have failed relationships and strings of heartbreak.

Humans are social creatures. We need, on varying levels, to be with others. This is especially true of couples. Don't fall into the trap of thinking that a messenger is a good, easy replacement for actually seeing your loved one, because if you do they may not be your loved one for much longer.

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