by Dionne Mahaffey

Created on: June 11, 2009   Last Updated: June 12, 2009

The key to inner peace is self-forgiveness. Even the knowledge that no one's perfect doesn't give us comfort when we're awake at night with guilt gnawing at us. We run the transgression(s) over and over in our mind. Why did we snarl at our friend? How could we have flubbed that presentation? And why can't we just stop bingeing and lose that weight?

The bigger question is how can we get past the past and get some peace?

1. First, we should fully reflect on what we did. Instead of pushing the pain away, step into it. Consider how we made the other person feel; how we feel. Don't hold back. Wallow a bit.

2. Acknowledge that it's wrong to injure another person including ourselves (via our refusal to cut ourselves some slack when we stumble). Don't look for excuses or wrack our brains searching for the answers. Just immerse ourselves in the damage we did, and the negative impact it had.

3. Next, consider what we might have done differently. What other choices could we have made? Could we have prepped more thoroughly for the speech? Could we have stocked the fridge with fresh veggies instead of butter-fat ice cream?

4. Think about the person we were at the time of the incident. What pressures were we facing, what assumptions did we have? What knowledge, what state of mind, what intent? This isn't a search for justification; it's an analysis to help unlock understanding.

The above steps will lead us to forgiveness and to healing. To provide options for handling things differently next time; to remind us that we have the capacity to change. We can choose to lose the guilt, because letting it linger doesn't help us strive to be better. It erodes our confidence and feeds failure.

That doesn't mean we condone the behavior. We won't and shouldn't forget the misstep or offense. But it helps provide acceptance and access to the next step: Believing that we can move on.

God does not impose infinite punishment for finite transgressions! So why are some of us punishing ourselves over and over again for simple mistakes we've made? Since we know that upon asking, God has already forgiven us. Which means we should also forgive ourselves and MOVE ON!

Remember, we all are works in progress, and every day provides a new chance to get it right or simply do better; that we can opt to define ourselves by our best qualities, not our worst.

And if we do this, we can get some rest, and wake up better able to face life's challenges with our best self in charge.

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