by Sue Patten

Created on: June 11, 2009   Last Updated: June 14, 2009

As all other contributors have said, it really depends on a persons circumstances and - if in a relationship - the other person. A question like this is like asking how long is a piece of string. There are so many variables that can effect a decision.

I've been single, I've been in bad relationships where I would have been better off single, I'm now in a good relationship. I could be speaking for countless millions of people worldwide who have had all the same.

As a teen and single, I hankered for the day I would be in a relationship. It took 2 failed marriages (and a first marriage where my spouse died) to realise the benefits of the single life. Motherhood permitting, my time was my own. My space was my own. My choices were my own. More importantly, my decisions were my own. I could make mistakes without being answerable to anyone. Very few men REALLY understand how sometimes the only comfort you want in bed is a good book and a large bar of creamy chocolate (apologies to those men that do!)

After my marriages I did have relationships but in all instances - having experienced the delights of singledom - I could see the faults in my partner I couldn't live with that before I may have just ignored. Don't get my wrong, I'm not claiming to be perfect but people desperate to NOT be single often miss those habits that are endearing at first but are just plain irritating in the end.

Maybe this makes me sound anti-relationships. I can assure you I'm not. At the end of August we are moving in with my newest (and last) partner. The criteria he had to fulfil was ridiculously complex - he was never aware I had a checklist! Maybe that sounds clinical. It wasn't and sounds a lot harsher written down here than it actually is. Before agreeing to move in together I wanted to be sure in my own mind that this would be a permanent arrangement and not something that would be over before it started.

I have an acquaintance who was so wrapped up in her quest to not be single (bearing in mind she had 4 kids with 4 different men) that she missed the fact her grandchildren were being abused by their other grandparents.

The key thing to deciding whether to be single or in a couple is to retain a sense of common sense. While your happiness is important, so is the well being of any dependants.

The needs of children have to be thought about seriously. It is difficult to stand back from your emotions while trying to decide whether your relationship is going to be detrimental to the children. You have to consider what the motivation in behind any objections they may have and if they are surmountable. If they are not then you have to return to singledom. I am lucky enough to have a child and a partner whose children are very happy for us.

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