by Lee Spurrell

Created on: June 11, 2009

ACT ONE:

There are two winos on a park bench, after dark, conversing drunkenly....

JAKE: "I dunno why you didn't leave her LAST year... and steal EVERYTHING in the house...."

MANNY: "You ... shut up. You weren't there and you don't know."

*(The stray dog, 'Fhook', approaches, sniffing at their crotches and empty bottles)

MANNY: "Hey - Go'wan! Git ! Who's dog is this ? Yours?"

Jake: "I don't have a d-dog, but I did F-Feed it a bit of scrap earlier today over on the main...."

{Flashlight spots enter the scene, camera right, the men are disturbed and awakened...}

(Manny tucks a brown bagged bottle under his arm)

Jake: {holding up a hand to block the flashlight from his eyes} "Here, mate - get bent! What's this all about, then?"

Officer Trent: "We'll be needing some identification gents, your dog should be restrained by-law..."

Manny: "Oi! Who's to say we're even together, let alone should this be a mutt of ours!?"

Officer Trent: {Shining his light around the bench and searching intently} "C'mon lads, I've just seen you an hour ago on Blade Street."

Jake: {to Manny, whispering} "Where the hell is Blade Street?"

{Fhook begins yelping, whining and jumping about}

Manny: "Officer... beg to pardon, but you've spotted the wrong party. This dog just came to us a moment ago, and I assure you - we've never been to, or heard of, a place called Blade Street..." {Manny coughs, and shuffles in his seat}

Jake: "He's tellin' the truth, sir, neither of us have ever seen this dog before!"

Officer Trent: "So, it's true then, you DO know one another..."

{Manny and Jake glance nervously downward}

{Fhook - the dog - sits, wimpering}

Jake: {standing from the bench} "Far be it from a couple of drunks to question the police, but officer, why on earth would you bother us tonight ? We're merely making our way through this malicious world the best way we know how..."

Manny:{Drunkenly, with a hand on the bench, brings himself to stand} "...Thas' right, sir!"

Fhook: (Barking and howling, uncontrollably)

Officer Trent: {Sighs, and waves the flashlight to the face of the dog} "Fact is... a murder has just occured in the area, and this dog was seen at the crime. I'll be needing your identification and I'll also have to ask you to remove your jackets, and lay down your bottles."

{Manny and Jake, surprised, make brief eye-contact and quickly begin guzzling their alcohol}

Officer Trent: "What's the dog's name?"

Manny: "Fhook!"

Jake: "Fhook!"

{Fhook (A Jack Russell breed) runs off into the woods}

Officer Trent: "SO! It IS your dog, then, isn't that right?"

{Manny & Jake drop their empty bottles, looking disturbed}

Manny: "Not at all, officer..."

Jake: "The fhookin' dog seems to just run off and attack someone every time we swear!"

Officer Trent: "There's a dead man in the woods back there, would you know anything about that!?"

{Manny and Jake glance each other over again}

Manny: "Naw... he was alive when we stole his liquor, Sir."

Jake: " Breathing, anyway..."

Officer Trent: "Okay, gents, I've heard enough... you're going to have to come downtown for questioning...."

Manny & Jake: {screaming} "Fhook!"

{A blurry figure from the woods appears, and launches itself into the prickly face of Officer Trent... a bloody mess is left around his corpse}

Manny: "We need more booze, Jake."

Jake:"I'll bring the dog back to the Blade Street liquor store...."

Fhook: "Barf! Barf!"

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