by Jared Hansman

Created on: June 11, 2009

Our Mind is a Terrible Thing to Taste

My mind is not mine. It's been formed from other peoples minds. Minds that were once victims like mine. Filled with garbage, I can no longer distinguish what is right or when I first questioned my surmise. My mind is numb. I'm standing on the verge of right and wrong, but my vision is blurred. These damn floaters (or fungus, as I like to call it) have been in my left eye too long! Along with my stigmatic astigmatisms, I'm held captive by my glasses. I wouldn't last long without this invention. Is it my apprehension or a clear sign I wasn't meant to walk this planet? Are my days out-numbered? Was I really meant to suffer? These are thoughts I won't doubt go through many peoples minds. Tucked deep away in the creases, forming strong synapses of our secrets. To be released when they see fit. Only god knows when that'll be. But do we even believe it? An all mighty power? Should we cower? Live in fear, because we don't know what is out there?

All I know is my mind is filled with frustration, and some day it will be lost to Alzheimer's or some other awful vacation. Something has got the best of me, and the world would know it if they'd take just an instant, not a moment, to embrace the energy that's displaced if they talk to me face to face. But is it worth it, or should they say forget it and walk away? A mind is a terrible thing to waste, but to get into my mind is total disarray. Just a glimpse into my life will contaminate an innocent mind. It'll be like my life if you rewind and play it back from the time I lost faith in my first surmise. I could turn a priest to the dark side if I sat in his confession booth. It would be another sin just to tell him my sins. I'd be saying "Our fathers" and "Hail Mary's" all day long! The way I've hurt people. Physically and mentally. Sex out of wedlock. The cursing and the misery. The spitefulness. An enlightened being comprised of superficial things runs through me superfluously. The lying, the stealing, the cheating, the envy...all of these things have found a place in me. What's most disturbing is that as disturbed as I am there are things that I see that still disturb me! But am I not so discerning?

Can you help me? Make me see the light. Help me believe in god and Jesus Christ? Let me feel this universe with their insight and all their might. I don't want to be part of evils plight. Let me be free from Satan's grasp. Let me have faith and bask in heavenly baths of flowery, cosmic, and organic impacts. Give me the strength to believe in the inner me, and reduce me to completeness. I missed that speech with my father. I really need it. Since my beginning I can't wait for the end. Let it be a good story. Let my end be the beginning to an ends beginning that never ends. I need to know what's right, so I can help my seed to grow. Give him everything he needs so he can feel at home. Make sure he never feels alone. Guide him in a way so that he never has to face the same mistakes that I have made.

It is for you. For my son. For Tyler that I want. To be good. To be an example of what I want. And what we need. For you to be the epitome of what this world desperately needs to see! This is for you Tyler! Be all you can be. But not in the army. It is in you, that I believe.

It is easy to worship you. A little piece of me.

I love you!

Your father

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