by BreAnne Kautzky

Created on: February 03, 2007   Last Updated: October 31, 2008

In my family there are a total of eight children. The oldest of all of us is Garret. He has been battling testicular and lung cancer for the past three years.

He slipped into a deep depression pulling away from his entire family. I being the second oldest out of the kids took on much responsibility. My brother, sister in-law, and parents we busy figuring out what to do leaving me n charge of my brothers and sisters, plus my niece and nephew.

He was so sick and was in the hospital for a long time. It was difficult explaining to the younger ones about what was happening to him. My niece and nephew asking "when is daddy coming home?" was the question that left me the most torn apart because the truth was; I didn't know. At times the thought was that my big brother was never coming home and the turmoil that would bring was unbearable.

As the chemo treatments continued so did his illness; spreading further into his weakening body. The pull on our family got worse and soon all conversation ceased to exist.

What I didn't understand was how during such a tough time, why everyone shut each other out. Weren't we all going through the same sadness, struggle, and reality that our loved one might not return? I came to realize that not talking about it made it not real in some ways, like it was a dream we were all having.

After three years of battling this he pulled through but was never the same person. In fact he was a better person. Almost losing his family has made him more aware of how we treat one another. He is constantly reminding all of us that we never know when we might have to say goodbye.

Since all of this, we as a family have created more time to be with one another and have changed the way we treat one another. It is a gift and I am thankful for this experience because we are now a true loving family that values each other no matter how annoying or how many mistakes one makes.

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