by Claire Chantal

Created on: June 10, 2009

Have you ever heard people warn others about marriage being hard? If you're engaged they may tell you "Expect it to be hard, because it will be." or "You are going to snap at him. It's okay, just forgive each other."

But do you really have to put yourself in that situation? Some people I've talked to claim that the first three months of their marriage was the worst. Shouldn't it be the best? It's true that these "three months of hell" can happen. They don't have to. If they already have, there's still hope. It's all about your mindset. My husband and I vowed to never yell at each other, a promise that we haven't broken. Follow these 5 things, and you never will.

1) Promise yourself you won't yell at him/her. If you are stubborn about this promise, you won't. You'll want to, without a doubt, just as you have your siblings. But don't! If you do, you're breaking a promise to yourself. Just breath and try to bring up the problem like the adult that you are.

2) Sit next to each other and hold hands when you disagree. As silly as this sounds, it works. Remember who you're talking to, the person you fell in love with and couldn't stand to live without. Don't talk to your spouse as if he/she were dirt. Some people talk to their dogs more nicely than they do their spouses. Someone once told me that she and her husband have a rule: Don't fight in the bedroom unless you're naked. If they begin to fight, they have to take off all their clothes before continuing. By the time they get down to their birth suits, they're laughing so hard that they've forgotten what their fight was about.

3) Your spouse is NOT the bad guy. Remember that. He/She didn't mean to hurt you. Look at what you did wrong first. A month after we got married, I told my husband, "Honey, I really wish you would help out with the dishes so I don't have to always do them. Just rinse them out and put them in the dishwasher." He just smiled and agreed that he'd try and help more. The following week, I walked into the kitchen and realized that every single dish in the sink was mine! My husband had done his part and I had been a hypocrite. Don't yell at your husband because you may end up doing it yourself.

4) Give him/her the benefit of the doubt. If he says your dress looks fine, DO NOT assume that he hates it! Assume that he actually has seen it and already thought how gorgeous it looks on you. If that doesn't work, tell him nicely that you want more feedback to feel like he cares. Tell him what you want, or you might never get it.

5) The most important, react calmly. It's easier said than done, but if you decide that picking up his socks isn't annoying but a great opportunity to serve him, it will never bother you.

Follow these five things and you will feel your home transform into a calmer more loving atmosphere.

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