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It is an old African proverb: It takes a village to raise a child. Profound and simple as wisdom so often is. So why does it always go over our heads? Yes, I am a parent who is responsible for the children I birthed, but my children do not belong to me. They are not possessions that I can methodically put on a shelf, move around, dust off, or force to absorb. My role is to provide, nurture, guide, educate and discipline. As a parent I have done that, having one child who is a college graduate, one in college and one in high school. I have accepted my responsibility as a parent, so is that supposed to prove something because they graduated?

Maybe in your eyes I failed because I could not attend PTA meetings or go on field trips or come to school any time of the day. What was I doing? I was working, sometimes two jobs, rather than sitting around waiting to receive assistance from the state. Perhaps I failed in your eyes because my children were not motivated to sit in a classroom reading a book and answering questions that often were not relevant to their lives in any way. I am a failure because my children were not interested in being judged based on a test score. I don't live up to your standards of a parent because my children do not fit the mold of your so-called educational system. They did what they needed to do, they graduated, and what does that prove again?

I accept my responsibility, but it is not my responsibility alone. I pay taxes, so what happened? Yes, I expect the same care and concern when my children are under your watch. I worked with young people for many years as a mentor and as a teacher in public school, and each time I treated them as my own children. When they were under my watch it did not matter what took place in their home; what mattered was the time that I had. That was my opportunity to educate. Instead of placing blame and wasting time criticizing parents, home life, schools, etc. just "be the change you want to see in the world", as Gandhi said. We are supposed to be a team and the one thing that we push down our children's throats is honesty, character and integrity, but as a whole our presentation speaks volumes to them. How sad. Children will be children, but they often have a sense that we as adults sometimes lack and it makes us transparent to them. We know everything and so often wear the mask of hypocrisy and that is what we pass on to our children. Then we pat ourselves on the back because we feel we have accomplished something by putting our children through a system.

My children graduated, but that is not what makes my day. They memorized answers to questions, turned in homework, and passed tests, but what did they learn? What makes me happy is if they can think for themselves, that they do not let anyone break their spirit, that they know who they are and believe in who they are, that they walk with integrity, not perfection, but simply being who they are. I may not have been at the school every day or been able to participate in every event, but my children know without a doubt that they are loved and that they have the potential to soar if they choose to.

Learn more about this author, Melody Edwards.
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