by Anthony Megna

Created on: June 10, 2009   Last Updated: May 18, 2012

Imagine being in the Amazon jungle where every square inch is infested with mosquitoes!  How would you keep these buggers at bay?  You could erect one of those electronic bug zappers in the middle of the jungle and watch the fireworks begin! What a light show that would be! ZZZZZPOPZZZZZZZZZPOPPOPZZZZZZZZ. Just a bizarre dream of mine, but it wouldn't make a dent for the trillions of mosquitoes that exist down there in South America, nor up here in North America.

Mosquitoes seem to have no useful purpose. They carry malaria and other disease and are annoying as hell. Birds and other small animals eat them, but they eat other things as well, so the complete elimination of mosquitoes might not affect the global balance as far as I can see. Oh wait, the world would be happier, that would be a huge help!

Do those bug zappers really work? Not really. They seem to kill more moths than mosquitoes. A friend of mine set one up in his backyard hoping he would be able to have a BBQ outside and to eat in peace. He invited me and my wife over and all we did was slap ourselves silly the whole meal. In fact, our meal was aborted halfway through as it was sheer torture. I hate bugs, especially mosquitoes.

What about Yard Guard? Made by Raid and quite expensive, you spray this around the perimeter of the yard and it's supposed to act as a shield. Not too bad if there is no wind, but the slightest little breeze seems to create openings in the "force field" and in those little buggers come for their own BBQ, and you're the main course.

Eating a meal and smelling bug spray is not a happy experience, and my hatred of bugs and mosquitoes especially is one of the reasons I moved from the East Coast. Now living in Las Vegas where there are no bugs to speak of as it's too dry, it's a pleasure to sit outside for a BBQ or any other outdoor activity for that matter. The problem is the heat. Yup, even though the grass is greener on the other side in the bug department, the temperature department is oven city in the summer. So, it looks like no matter where one goes, having a BBQ in peace is going to be tough unless you wear a NASA spacesuit. It's tough to eat in a spacesuit, because when you lift your visor you don't know what's going to fly in.

Keeping mosquitoes at bay seems to be getting tougher and tougher these days, but the researchers are hard at work. Electronic noise repellents, Light-wave research, and other forms of extermination might just work one of these days, but for now we just have to suck it up and suffer outside or eat indoors.

One of the best remedies I've found is rubbing vinegar over your arms and legs. You might not smell too good, but at least you don't look like a windblown scarecrow slapping and waving like a manic puppet as you eat. It will have to do for now....

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