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Everyone has their misunderstandings once-in-a-while, but when coupled with stubbornness, jealousy, and lack of communication, you will effectively kill a friendship. No one can agree with another person 100% of the time. We are all different as people, with as many opinions about topics as there are grains of sand. But keeping friends (and partners) is not about being right, but compromising.

Being stubborn, or set in your ways, doesn't benefit anyone. All it does is show that you won't back down, even if it means hurting those you love. What a tragedy, considering we never know what life may bring our way. We may never get the chance to make amends with a person, especially if either of your lives have been cut short. I myself have made the mistake of letting my stubborn pride deter me from making the first move in apologizing when I've done something wrong to my friends. It is understandable that we won't see eye-to-eye with our friends, which is why we should sometimes "agree to disagree". However, that is not always easy to do. Sometimes your personal beliefs are at stake, where it is necessary to hold your ground. When that happens, stubbornness might be unavoidable. Only time can heal such a dilemma (if it's possible that the issue can ever be put aside).

Jealousy is a fast-moving friendship killer, because once it takes root in the mind, no manner of explanation can shake that feeling. Again, this is one area I have experienced from both sides. I have been annoyed by a friend's jealous behavior towards me, where she felt I wasn't committing more of my time to her. But, I've also been hurt when a friend completely ignored me in favor of each new dating relationship, yet I was supposed to be there for her when SHE needed ME, as if I was to satisfy her whims. So of course I became jealous of her relationship, ultimately resenting her. It took a lot of effort to forgive her once she was single again. And it was even harder when her revolving door of men repeated this cycle over, and over, and over again. I can say this more than anything ruined my friendship with her.

You'd think that lack of communication is a no-brainer, but we all have our moments of weakness. There are times when we just tune out everyone else because of whatever might be going on in our lives, never stopping to consider how it might be interpreted by those around us. How we perceive others determines how we relate to them. And if we don't explain that we are feeling lousy because of not feeling good, receiving bad news, etc., it is easy for us to take things personally and think the other person isn't interested in being friends anymore. This can sometimes be out of our control - I had a long-distance friendship where I kept in touch through postal mail, and during a crucial time in my friend's life, I was out of the country and had missed her letter. She thought that because I never responded, I had forgotten her. Other times lack of communication happens we are bound not to disclose information, where again the other person assumes we are not being faithful to the friendship.

The best thing we can do to improve our friendships is to be honest, forward, and humble. Admit our failures, practice forbearance, and be willing to learn something new. Then we will avoid breaking up friendships over petty differences.

Learn more about this author, Natasha L. Kohlhoff Polak.
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