is in the habit of starting a fight at the pick-up or drop-off point, find a meeting place between the two residences and do your exchange of the children there, inside, if possible. Most people are better behaved in public than they are in private. Even if you have to get a court order, this is a reasonable solution when one ex-spouse is out of control.

5. Never use the children as go-betweens with possessions or mail or instructions. Do your own communicating, etc., with your ex-spouse. Forcing your children to be carrier pigeons will hurt them emotionally.

6. If you have an impossible ex-spouse, you may have to go back to court a few times to get him or her to comply with the terms of the divorce that pertain to the children. Do NOT bring your children with you to court, unless you are instructed to by the judge. Children should always be shielded from their parents' acrimony.

7. It is hard to be fair when the other party isn't. But in the long run, fairness will serve you well. It won't take very long for your children to figure everything out. For unresolved issues, counseling helps. So does going to the gym, eating a box of chocolates, and using a punching bag. Whatever it takes, separate your children from your ex-spouse issues.

When I married my ex-husband, he had been married before and had a young son. The ex-wife was bitter and spiteful. They lived at the top of a hill with a private driveway and an electric gate at the bottom. When we picked up Steven, the son, from his mother's house, we had to park at the bottom of the hill and wait for the child to walk down it and crawl underneath the electric gate. The same rule applied when we took him home.

One evening after our week-end visit with the Steven, we were sitting in the car, waiting for him to get to his house before we left.

That is so ridiculous! I said, watching him struggle to fit under the metal bar at the bottom of the electric gate.

Our three-year-old daughter in the back seat, leaned over to her two-year-old brother and said, Stevie's mommy is a witch!

Who said that children don't know what's going on?

Do yourself a favor and keep your children out of the fray. When they are older, you will be very glad you did.

Learn more about this author, Jenna Pope.
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