by Ofelia Lyn

Created on: February 03, 2007   Last Updated: April 23, 2007

First I would like to mention that I haven't come across an article that discusses how a child would perceive divorce, or the parents getting remarried. I admit I have not viewed many of the articles under this channel, however until you have experienced it for yourself I doubt you have all the facts.

My parents divorced when I was seven years old. My mother was my fathers third wife, and in a nutshell both managed to keep the knot tied for ten long and painful years. Part of this was due to my mother being terrified to leave my manipulative and abusive father, part of it was the "stay together for the kids" crap. I might not have known it then, but as a young and successful adult now- I fully support the decision my mother made to leave my father. If she hadn't, she wouldn't have met my wonderful step father, or worked through a lot of her psychological problems that developed during marriage with my father. But now I am getting ahead of myself...

I was seven years old- and over the next thirteen years or so I have visited several psychologists, dealt with a personal child lawyer until the age of eighteen, been through at least ten or more major custody battles, my father moving twenty times in the same state, and going through several of his girlfriends, and two more marriages- both of which were met through the Internet. The fourth wife of my father ended up being an abusive mother from a previous marriage. I suffer from depression, ADD, anxiety disorder, and my view on relationships until recently has been very twisted, along with serious trust issues.

I don't want to start a pity party, but the point I am trying to make is not every divorce is a piece of cake. Parents have serious impacts on their children and how they develop into responsible adults. Parents also are going to be the lead example to a child on how a relationship should be between a man and a woman. If a divorce is required then do it. But save the child from the fighting, court hearings etc... the less the child is "involved" the better. Make sure the child knows that mommy and daddy still love them equally, and that it isn't their fault. Shower your child with attention! And above all try and be as close to being on the same page as your ex as possible. Children need routines, structure- the same discipline, the same visitations etc...

Like I said, I am extremely happy with the decision my mother made to divorce my father. I have a wonderful relationship with both step parents, have been slowly working through my past and issues, am learning how to be a responsible and successful young adult, and am in a healthy relationship. The regret is my parents didn't make the best decisions for the kids, they made the best decisions for themselves.

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