by Taylor Huffman

Created on: June 09, 2009   Last Updated: June 19, 2009

As hard as it can be to trudge through the tedious divorce process that separates us from who we once believed we loved, it can in many cases be a much more trying experience for those we know we still love - our children. The parental paradigm that created the only environment a particular child has ever known is about to radically change, and it is our obligation to ensure that the essential aspects of this environment - love, stability and support - do not disappear. While a child is especially susceptible to the emotional damage that can stem from a drastic shift in the norm, they are equipped with a greater faculty to acclimate to that change rather than be hurt by it, given the correct circumstances.

What every parent struggling through divorce needs to understand is that there are two fundamental components to compassionately tending to a child's needs at this time. One lies in the civility with which we must approach our ex, and the other within the methods we employ in securing our child's emotional and physical needs.

Dynamic with your Spouse

We expect our children to be honest with us; we need to be honest with them, especially now. By not discussing in a respectful, honest way the reasons behind the divorce, we allow a child to use his/her imagination in painting that picture. Unfortunately, this will almost always lead to them finding blame in themselves. Furthermore, regardless of the lingering sentiments we may have, it is important that our children witness a civil exchange between their parents. Even more important is that we avoid badmouthing the other parent in front of them. This gives off the impression that they are meant to choose sides, and our goal should be to ensure our children don't lose sight of the fact that they are still loved and supported by two parents.

Dynamic With your Child

As far as your child's physical needs are concerned, the idea is to avoid scarcity and seek structure without suffocation. Aside from our personal views as to what degree of parental structure constitutes suffocation, I'm focusing on a very particular form of structure. After a divorce, a child's emotions become tumultuous, and they fear a lack of continuity. Taking care of your child is important, but it is at this point more than any other that you must be especially attuned to the task of taking care of yourself. Ultimately, it is you who brings about the most basic sense of structure - the feeling that one's caretaker "has it

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