by Maria C Collins

Created on: June 09, 2009   Last Updated: February 22, 2012

The current view of a successful marriage is a saccharine laden feast. It is informed by Hollywood and imparted by films and television programmes. Television advertisements would have us believe that a wife's only preoccupations are how to get her whites white and proudly packing her husband off to work each morning in a bright, white, freshly ironed shirt. Romantic fiction, generally, only takes the story, in a froth of white lace, to the church door. None of these views has much to do with any real marriage, they are all idealized ideas. Real marriages are built over many years, through tears and laughter, good times and bad and you never really know when it is successful, at the time. Any Marriage is made up of two individuals and, therefore, every marriage is different and evolves differently. Human beings are all different and therefore, you cannot prescribe a "one size fits all" plan, or schedule, for a successful marriage.

A marriage is a success, if it works successfully for the two people involved in that marriage. If both partners are happy, then the marriage is a success. There are some basic ingredients or foundations on which a successful marriage can grow. Good manners are one; never treat your partner any less politely than you would anyone else. Good manners, mutual respect, and consideration, will carry you through hard times. Never forget that in the best marriages, husband and wife are great friends too, and that deep friendship survives, even when your partner has done something infuriating, and you both know you will eventually laugh together about whatever it is. Consideration of, and care for, one another's feelings are as important within a marriage as they are in any other relationship.

Many people mistakenly think that the best marriages are a series of grand romantic gestures. They are not, but they are composed of hundreds of everyday little things, it might be a husband never forgetting to thank his wife each day for cooking his dinner, or a wife thanking her husband for taking her out, just as she did when they were courting. Grand romantic gestures last as long as they last, everyday little gestures last a lifetime.

Spouses should support and care for one another in good times or bad and be one another's rock in difficult times, during illness or death of a family member. Remember the promises of the marriage service to love and comfort one another in good times and bad, in illness and in health.

Couples should laugh and have fun together, even grown-ups need to play. Laughter is good for human health and good for any relationship.

A marriage is like a garden, you till the ground, sow the seeds, keep the ground free from weeds and protect the tender shoots from frost, storms and wind. You feed and water the growing plants. Each year the flowers get better until one day the garden is a riot of colour and verdant beauty.

Good marriages do not just happen they evolve, because of hard work by the people involved in that marriage, into a marriage to suit those two people. You can never stop working at that relationship. A successful marriage is one that makes both partners within it happy and gives each of them the things that they need to grow as people. There is no exact recipe for a successful marriage. Each marriage is different, however there are some basic principles without which no marriage can be successful. Love, friendship, respect, consideration, and good manner are the essential ingredients of good marriages.

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