by Victoria Tiegert

Created on: June 08, 2009

Being the mother of three teenagers, I have experienced the challenge of setting and keeping curfews. To them, they are just one more way for me to exert authority and control over them. For me, they are a way to ensure their safety and security. As my mother always said, "There is little good that happens after dark.". While that may not always be true, crime and mischief does certainly increase under the cover of darkness. Thus, curfews are a necessary evil in the lives of teens.

When it comes time to set a curfew, it is good to sit down with your teen and get their opinion on what would be reasonable. Since you most likely already have your own idea which probably is a bit different from theirs, you will have a starting point for the discussion. There is nothing wrong with teaching your teen a lesson in the fine art of compromise as part of the curfew discussions. The teen years are filled with events that prepare them for adulthood and this can be viewed as one of those.

While you are talking with your teen, really listen to them and show them that you are hearing and considering their point of view. This will make your teen feel like a respected part of the decision, which will make everything easier. They may not get their way entirely, but they will have been heard out and that is extremely important at that age. Explain your position as well, and share with them your concerns for their personal safety and well-being.

You should also know the laws in your area regarding teen curfew. These vary from state to state, and some towns even have their own curfew on top of that. When this is the case, the earlier curfew is the one that will apply. Your curfew should fall in line with these government regulations.

Will there be any exceptions to the curfew rule? What about things such as holidays or school dance nights? What about weekends and weeknights? Will the curfew be different depending on the school schedule? These things should be discussed from the onset of the curfew rules so that there are no later misunderstandings.

Next comes how you are going to enforce the curfew rules. There should be consequences for breaking curfew or it is completely ineffective to have at all. These consequences should be set beforehand so that your teen is fully aware of their existence and what they should expect if they show the irresponsibility of breaking curfew.

Although not embraced happily by most teenagers, curfew is one of life's realities in their lives. Setting one together and having the consequences for breaking it clear from the start will make the curfew more agreeable to everyone. You are the parent, and in the long run, you bear the responsibility of doing all that you can to keep these young people safe and secure during these years.

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