by Terry Donelson

Created on: June 08, 2009

There's a classic line in the movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding where the daughter is soliciting her mother's assistance with convincing her father to accept her non-Greek fianc. The mother tells her daughter It's true that your father is the head of the household, but I am the neck; and as the neck, I can turn the head in any direction I want.

Who should head the family? Throughout time, religious and other societal influences have dictated that, in most cultures, the man should be the head of the household. And throughout time, most men have come to believe that they truly do, or should, head their families. Likewise, many women, as did the wise mother in My Big Fat Greek Wedding have allowed, and continue to allow, their husbands to believe this myth.

Who is in charge? Who's the boss? Who speaks for the family? In a marriage relationship, these questions today seem silly and trivial. While contemplating this question, I conjure up a mental image of two children one telling the other you're not the boss of me. Or I imagine a power struggle between a parent and a child.

I personally did not marry a little girl; and I most definitely do not want to be her daddy. My wife and I are both adults and, as such, are both equally competent in making decisions that concern us.

We had not been married long when, for whatever reason, my wife and I started arguing over the color of a particular car. I should point out here that I am red/green color blind. My wife suddenly stopped arguing, looked directly at me and said do you realize that you're color blind and you're arguing with a person who is not color blind about the color of something? I must admit that my only comeback to her question was to shut-up and laugh.

Just as with every other aspect of marriage, the question of who should make what decision and when speaks directly to the two most important skills in any interpersonal relationship; communication and compromise. Marriage is not for the arrogant, the egotistical, or the faint of heart.

We all have our areas of expertise or competence; or in my case, semi-competence. While my wife, when she accompanies me to the golf course, does not attempt to tell me which club to use or critique my swing (although she has been known to laugh hysterically at times), I do not offer to tell her how to cook.

When it comes to major decisions or issues on which we might disagree, we sit down and calmly discuss the situation. She will express her point of view. I will express my point of view. And, if at that point we are still at odds, she will take her clothes off, sit on my lap, and stick her tongue in my ear. This is when I will most often whole heartedly agree with her marvelous idea and, thus, everybody is happy. Always shoot for those win-win situations.

I once heard a famous comedian state that in a marriage, a man can only be as happy as the least happy person in the house. Through the years I have found this to be the case. When my wife is happy, I'm happy. When she's not happy, I've learned that it's in my best interest to try and make/keep her happy.

We've all heard the old saying He who has the gold makes the rules. While this may frequently be the case, I believe that a more accurate version might be she who has the vagina makes the rules.

Guys, you can accept it or rebel against it, but from my experience, when your neck tells your head to turn, you're better off to just go with it.

Learn more about this author, Terry Donelson.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.