by H.B. Corse

Created on: June 08, 2009   Last Updated: June 09, 2009

My wife and I met when we she was a freshman in high school, but we didn't start dating until her senior year. Now fifteen years and three children later our relationship shoes have a lot of scuffs on them. During our time together there have been many events that have changed our relationship, some for the better and some for the worse, but nothing has impacted our lives so much as having children. We were told how much things would change when we were married; it was all exaggerated. We were told how much our lives would change when we bought a house; also exaggerated. We were told how much our lives would change when we had children; a gross understatement.

We became number two. Prior to having children we always had time for one another, and we always considered one another first. After the birth of our first child that changed. There were times when although we wanted think of one another there was no choice but to put the boy first. A few months into our first child's life I realized something about myself; I was jealous and I felt guilty. I had never been so confused about anything in my life. My wife was nursing and working a full time job, so that left her without much time for me. That was the jealousy. I also began to understand that the little man that had taken over my spot in her life, had also moved her from number one in my thoughts to number two. Hello guilt. So how did I react to this new situation? I screwed up. I began pushing my wife for reassurance of her affection for me, meanwhile unsure about the affection I had for her. Introducing resentment. This went on for about a year before things completely broke apart.

"I can't do this," I said the night our downward spiral finally hit bottom. I could see pain in her face, but there was something else; relief. I could see in her eyes that she believed it might be for the best if we didn't do this anymore, and that the idea of not dealing with us anymore might not be so bad. We were at a stand still. I had threatened to leave and she was calling me on it, so I left with my gym bag slung over my shoulder determined that divorce was the only option. I went to my mother's and spent the weekend there writing out how our divorce would go, but when it came time to write how I believed child custody should go I couldn't go on. I couldn't think of any custody arrangement that would make us both happy. So I wondered why was it so easy to split up our property, and why

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