by Caryn Murray

Created on: February 03, 2007   Last Updated: April 23, 2007

Well I agree that this topic is too vague, and that it should be handled on a case by case basis.

The first important factor is the abuse in your past or present?

If it is in your past, as was the case with my personal experience (from which I draw all advice) then the next question is have you ever discussed this before?

Marriage should be based on honesty and open communication. Unfortunately, some things like past sexual abuse aren't fully realized until years later (we truly do try to 'ignore' cold truth, don't we?) If I had been aware of the extent of the damage my past had caused, I would not have married my husband without his knowing and accepting of who I was.

However, we were married and after so long it became difficult for me to put on the mask that hid how sex truly made me feel. So I tried to tell him, and there was not much I was comfortable talking about.

So I introverted with my reaction to the acknowledgement. The end result was rather messy.

If you are reading this article, you may be in a situation similar to mine. Before you worry about talking to your spouse... I would strongly recommend seeking proffessional help.

It is highly unlikely your spouse knows how to 'handle' you if you 'break down.' Sometimes all it takes is admitting to someone that you were abused for the emotions to overwhelm you, and it is wise to have someone that can help you work with these emotions.

Understand your spouse may have a reaction of his own. It is more than a matter of a painful memory from your past. An issue such as this one is like casting a pebble into water, the ripples could be brief or endless.

I do not agree with anyone who says it is not a good idea to talk to your spouse. The joy of marriage is a close friendship, knowing eachother better than anyone else and that kind of closeness is the key ingredient in a strong, lasting partnership throughout lifes hardships. Do talk to your spouse! By all means, it should only make you closer.

Yet if it is not handled appropiately, your individual reactions could draw a wedge between you. It is important to seek the proffessional help needed before talking about this with a spouse.

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