by Ferg Fontaine

Created on: June 08, 2009   Last Updated: July 20, 2009

Dealing with grief and loss is by far one of the most delicate circumstances a person can find himself involved with. The sting of death is such a deep, excruciating pain, and cannot be salved over with a balm of empty words or insincere compassion. This is a moment in time that mere words and smooth talk cannot and will not bring the needed comfort and hope that will carry the mourner through to a place of hope. There are however, practical and genuine tools that can and will help an individual know a glimpse of comfort and hope in the immediate days following their loss. As cliche as the phrase sounds, time may not heal all wounds but it does usher in the healing process. But time seems an enemy to the one who is heartbroken; face it, they do not want to live another day without seeing the face, or hearing the voice of their loved one.

First, it is important to remember that everyone that comes in contact with this individual is saying something to try and help. It is more likely a common phrase such as "at least you know they are in a better place". Do not be one of those people; this does nothing to help and is akin to tossing empty condolences their way. It is best to say nothing if there are not sincere, heartfelt words being spoken.

Next, if your relationship is more than that of an acquaintance, talk to them about their loved one. If you have a funny memory or a heartwarming memory, share it with them. If you find pictures, give them a copy. The one thing that brings comfort is the knowledge that others love their loved one and saw their beauty. Often when someone loses a child, spouse, parent, or loved one, well meaning people in their life will try to avoid that persons name. The fear of bringing up the deceased is often misguided. Nothing brings more encouragement and solace than knowing their memory will be kept alive by those who knew and loved them. And a funny story or picture will bring the laughter that is very often a soothing ointment to a painful broken heart. Any picture they have never seen will come as a second chance to see their face one last time.

Lastly, never put a time limit on their ability to cope with their loss. In fact, giving them the permission and the grace to take all the time they need will more than likely bring a welcomed response from your forlorn friend. No one wants to have to move on, and yet they know it is an inevitable reality. Let me reiterate that an opportunity to laugh will sooth the heart that is full of sadness. Bring them to a comedy show or a funny movie. Any opportunity to feel the warmth of joy and laughter will heap peace over them, even if just for the moment. And give them time, sincere time; do not assume you would handle any differently because no one knows when they will be the one experiencing life events that ache to the deepest levels of their being.

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