by Dr. Deborah Bauers

Created on: June 08, 2009   Last Updated: January 15, 2010

If you want to assist someone with the grief and loss of a loved one be prepared to affirm the thoughts and feelings that accompany his personal journey of grief. Genuine empathy can provide the support that a grieving individual needs in order to confront the pain that accompanies profound loss.

There is no time when an individual questions his sanity more than when he is brokenhearted. Grieving is possibly life's most arduous task. It begins each morning with the fresh realization that the loved is really gone, and ends each night when the person crawls into bed exhausted, only to find that sleep won't come.

If you want to be ready to assist someone who is grieving, there are some definite dos and don'ts to be aware of:

The Dos

1. Be a good listener. Sharing memories and feelings is the heart of the grieving process. One who is grieving may need to tell his story repeatedly. Be patient. Be prepared to hear strong emotions. Be willing to sit with silence. Just be there and be ready to listen.

 2. Continue to offer consistent support over the next year. Weeks after the funeral is over and the casseroles have all been eaten, grief's sadness is only beginning. A grieving person needs your support months down the road.

 3. Offer to help with routine details of life. Grief blinds the eyes, dulls the thinking processes and destroys the appetite. You can offer to clean, pay bills, and fix nutritious meals for someone who might not be thinking clearly or be able to make decisions.

 4. At the appropriate time, encourage one who is grieving to think about how they can best honor the memory of a loved one. Gently remind the individual that getting on with life is what the loved one would have wanted. This can be a catalyst for moving him toward the future. Offer help to plan the first vacation or family trip after a loss. A trip to the ocean or a week in the mountains can provide activities that nourish the spirit and won't exhaust the slowly returning energy level.

 5. Encourage exercise. Offer to be a companion on a walk, a bike ride, or a swim at the local YMCA. Physical exercise helps sharpen the mind and naturally raises the endorphins that help prevent prolonged depression.

 6. Encourage a grieving individual to put off making major life-changing decisions for at least a year. Choices made during raw grief are often regretted later. Decisions that should be postponed include relocating, selling a home,

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