by Elisabeth Knapp

Created on: June 08, 2009   Last Updated: July 20, 2009

The loss of a loved one is probably the most devestating experience that we as human beings will ever have to face. In many cases, it is impossible to prepare for the shock and grief it will bring.

For those helping someone through such a period, it can be tremendously difficult to know what to do and what to say. The first thing that anyone helping a friend or relative through such a time will surely think is "I don't know what to say, I don't want to make it worse". The truth is, there is nothing you could say that can make it worse. In the initial days of loss, just your presence is probably of great comfort. Don't encourage them to do more than they are able to at this time. Be a shoulder to cry on, or be prepared to do any practical tasks that the bereaved may not be capable of doing.

The first thing to remember is that grief is a process, and a lengthy one at that. There are several stages that the bereaved will go through, and it is likely that they will be in need of constant support. It is probably important to add that you should be prepared for any type of reaction. Grief can evoke any number of different emotions: sorrow, anger, despair or desolation to name but a few. Anyone dealing with loss should be reassured that it is normal to feel these things and that it is OK to express these emotions.

It can often be useful to draw on your own experiences of loss. For many, it is important to realise that they are not alone. The death of a loved one can be a frightening and very lonely time. The need to connect with other people is more important than ever at times such as these, and the way we can connect with other people is through our shared experiences.

When the person experiencing loss feels ready to talk, try and encourage them to talk as much as possible. If the person is struggling to express their grief, contacting a bereavement counsellor for advice could prove invaluable. There are many online agencies that offer bereavement counselling, so you could contact them on the their behalf.

It is also worth remembering that hugs and being tactile can be so important for some. To have that physical connection, no matter how small, can bring comfort at a time of physical parting from a loved one. It can create a feeling of protection, and a hug can create a temporary physical barrier from the harsh realities of the world.

Many experiencing loss need to keep their mind occupied to control their feelings of grief. Try and be a part of that. Encourage socialising, learning new activities and keeping active. Mixing with people is incredibly important, as grief can cause one to retreat into one's self, which can be isolating. Going to dance classes, learning a new language or taking up a team sport are great ways to meet new people. Of course spending time with family is also important and this should be encouraged. How about helping to plan a family holiday or a big family get together?

As time passes, helping to remember a lost loved one is just as important as helping to come to terms with their death. Happy memories are crucial to helping us heal our emotional wounds. The people we love need to be remembered for the joy they brought into our lives, not just for the sorrow they brought us when we lost them. Encourage looking at old photographs and talking about any particularly fond memories. Hopefully you will have made the experience of loss just the tiniest bit easier.

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