by Madison West

Created on: June 07, 2009   Last Updated: June 19, 2009

Children are all too often part of the collateral damage associated with divorce. While it may be impossible to completely shield children from the pain of a family's break-up, there are ways to help children of all ages deal with divorce.

HELPING YOUR YOUNG CHILD ADJUST

For families with young children, infants to elementary age, it is important to keep some sense of normality. One way to do that is to create a familiar environment in a new, unfamiliar place.

When there is shared custody, children need to feel "at home" in both homes. Allow the children to have input in how their rooms are to be decorated and allow them to bring along a favorite blanket or toy with them whenever they leave with one parent. Although it may be tempting to some recent divorcees to create a new bachelor/bachelorette pad, it is important to keep both homes child friendly.

Another way to relieve a young child's anxiety is through reading. Reading helps to create a bond between parent and child and it can be especially soothing to a child of divorce. Parents can actually work together by reading books that their ex-spouse has given the child. This reinforces the parenting partnership and reassures the child that the other parent, though they aren't with them physically, is still a part of the child's day.

GIVING YOUR PRE-TEENS AND TEENS AN OUTLET

Anger, distrust, and depression are common among this age group. When a child feels that they can no longer trust one or both of their parents due to divorce, counseling is always an option to help restore the lines of communication. It also gives the child an objective listener.

Another way to help a pre-teen/teen deal with divorce is to take advantage of vacations and outings where they can release their emotions in a safe way. If possible, take advantage of peaceful, relaxing getaways such as trips to the beach, camping, or fishing excursions. This gives parent and child a chance to escape the chaos that may have been surrounding the divorce. The peace and calm can be conducive to conversations that may not have been possible at home. And it doesn't always have to be an out-of-town trip. Catching a good, entertaining movie that deals with family issues is also a great stimulus for conversation.

There are several ways to help children who are showing a tendency toward aggression. Keeping your pre-teen/teen involved in team sports or other physical activities can help them burn off that negative energy and the frustration they may be feeling over the divorce. Sometimes something as simple as a water balloon fight can be a fun way for both parent and child to release pent up emotions and encourage smiles and laughter.

ADULT CHILDREN ARE CHILDREN TOO

When couples divorce in later years, their adult children can be just as affected as younger children. In these circumstances, it's important that parents not lay "guilt trips" on their children. When parents divorce, adult children are often torn on how to celebrate holidays and other events that were once treasured family occasions. It is the parents' job to be understanding and not put pressure on their children. Parents must realize that their adult children have their own family routines and that adjustments will need to be made by everyone.

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