by Denise Wallace

Created on: June 07, 2009   Last Updated: June 08, 2009

Okay, this isn't going to be one of those mushy articles supporting those with Borderline Personality Disorder. So if that's what you're looking for you should probably stop reading now and move onto another article.

I was raised by a mother with Borderline Personality Disorder. I didn't know at the time that that's what it was. I knew something was wrong, there was no denying that. She was very mentally, emotionally and physically abusive. It was a horrible existence. We never knew when she was going to explode; it was like walking on egg shells all the time. She would be really nice for a little while. As a child I would always get my hopes up "she's going to be nice from now on." I would let my guard down and bam! She would explode with horrible words, hitting that wouldn't stop, hair pulling, slapping, etc.

I haven't come to the point where I feel sorry for her, I don't know if I ever will. I have forgiven her but I will never forget and I will never speak to her again. This disorder seems to make it impossible for her to admit any of the abuse. She tries to make it seem that it was all my imagination, that none of it ever happened, that I am crazy. I don't know if she really believes this or she just doesn't want to admit that she was wrong. The words "I'm sorry" are not part of her vocabulary.

If I really think about it I can pity her existence but in no way can I allow this label to make everything okay. I am the mother of 4 children. I have had a lot of problems due to the abuse but never, ever have I hurt my children. I would never allow my abusive past to be an excuse to hurt my children in any way! I have done all that I can to get past my past to be healthy for my children. They deserve a happy life, they deserve a parent that loves them unconditionally, and they deserve to feel safe and secure. I have worked really hard to do this for them. I love them with all of my heart. My life is all about giving them the life they deserve.

Unfortunately my older brother has followed in the same steps as my mother. He also has BPD and has used this and his abusive past as a excuse to abuse his first wife, his second wife, his 2 children and now he's on to a third wife and I think we all know where that's going. There is help out there for this disorder. Admit that there is something wrong with you and get help and stop torturing the people around you!

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