by Toni Doswell

Created on: June 07, 2009   Last Updated: June 19, 2009

How do you tell children about divorce? How do you to assure them that the love for them is still there while the fabric of your marriage is torn?

Children are naive in their assumption that their homelife will always be the same. They see both parents as always being there for them. In that stability, they rests. When they are faced with the earthshaking news that this stability is about to be interrupted, they do not understand. They need their past, present and future reconciled and here are a few suggestions:

1. Assure your children that they are truly loved and always will be loved - This is primary. Love is that little fuzzy blanket that has surrounded them since birth. They know it exists by your prior words and actions towards them. Let them know this will never change.

2. Explain in simple terms that both of you as parents, will be working together to help raise them. In the case where one parent assumes full custody, let them know that they will be able to visit the other parent, or the non-custodial parent will be coming to visit them When children see parents still connecting for their benefit, they do not see themselves as being forsaken or thrown into a wide abyss.

3. If children ask why the divorce is necessary, tell them that life has changed, and Mommy and Daddy are moving in different directions in the their lives. As far as possible, don't let the children see anger, hatred, or spite surfacing. If one parent is moving out of town, let the children know that they can contact that parent by phone anytime. Reassure them that everything will be alright.

4. Do not teach your children against the absent parent. This does irreparable harm. Rather than talk about all the bad that your ex-husband or wife has done, play up the positives. Children will blossom in a pots of positives.

5. Discuss your living arrangements thoroughly with your children if they are old enough to understand. Mark dates on the calendar when the absent parent will have visitation. This open awareness reduces the child's uncertainty and they will eventually adjust to those living arrangements. As far as possible, display a picture or two of the absent parent somewhere in your child's room to keep them visually connected to that parent.

6. Continue to watch your children before and after the divorce. Look for definite signs of regression, depression, suicide, and withdrawal. If you evidence those, seek immediate

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