by Melody Bish

Created on: June 07, 2009

I do not have a biological child,however I have been a step-mother to a five and seven year old, respectively. There are a plethora of quotations regarding parenting and none indicate a child's affections can be bought. That said, both my experience as a step-mother and from my rearing as an only child, there has never been a gift, or an ongoing flood of gifts, which curried significant favor with a child to buy his or her affection on a long term basis. While initially children tend to become excited and even go to the length of saying, "I love you" to the person purchasing expensive gifts.

Children will bemoan their state when it comes to expensive toys or gifts, however they are far more upset when separated from parents when parents hire a babysitter and, essentially, leave them to their own devices. I firmly believe a child fears the loss of a parent far more than desiring a room filled with expensive gifts; gifts which cannot tuck them in at night, care for and play with them andy,protect them from the harshness of the world.

Though I do not advocate never purchasing a child an expensive gift, I believe such gifts should be earned through good behavior, or with a financial contribution on the part of the child in order to teach them that gifts are not always given for no reason, or to cease a tantrum.

Indulging a child with a shower of expensive gifts at the child's whimsy fosters nothing, not affection nor any other other positive and long term affection. For example, my spouse continually suggested I purchase his five year old any gifts she desired; during the Chridtmas season Nintento 64's were THE hot gift, I actually went through our town newspaper and expended double the cost on store bought Nintendos. My step-daughter enjoyed the gifts I provided however the second I said "no" to her relative to purchasing an unnecessary gift , she cried and would not speak with me. Though it can be easy to say, "no" when your child requests specific gifts, the "no" ultimately serves as training the child will remember all of his or her life and into their parenting experiences. It is worth momentary anger and or tantrums to teach lessons which will benefit a child's adulthood.

And me, the only child, I was spoiled; spoiled with loving attention and educational experiences. Though I did not often hear, "no" when it came to securing expensive and unique gifts, such gifts included books, vacations to historical locations and a sense of security and protection I recall more than any expensive toy. As an adult, I am grateful for the lessons learned at the knee of my parents and love them none the less for material gifts not provided.

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