by MaryAnn Evans

Created on: June 06, 2009   Last Updated: October 20, 2011

The process of divorce is a difficult time for all parties, but this is especially true for children. Children of all ages experience a range of emotions when their parents divorce. They will often feel sad, frustrated and even angry. The key to supporting a child through a divorce is communication.

Divorce is very unsettling for a child of any age. The break up of a stable family unit can leave them feeling uncertain about their future. Therefore, a smooth transition is vital to reassuring a child that they are still loved and have the support of their family.

To aid in a smooth transition there are a few simple steps which can make all the difference to the child's adjustment process.

Firstly, and most importantly, is communication. Verbal reassurance is key when a parent is attempting to allay a child's fear. It is important to be honest with children of all ages, but it is advisable that parents avoid criticising, or blaming their spouse. With older children, who may be aware of the circumstances which lead to the divorce this may be more difficult. Parents should attempt to be as tactful as possible when addressing the reasons for a divorce. And take the age of the child into account when determining how much information to share with them.

Communication is very much a two-way process, parents need to be as candid as possible about the situation and in turn a child's adjustment process will be aided by expressing their emotions, fears and concerns.

Children require reassurance that they are still loved, but beyond that it may be helpful to ensure some aspects of the child's life remain constant if possible. For example, if the divorce involves a move of house, it may be comforting for the child to remain in the same area and stay at the school.

As well as talking with a child, it is also crucial that parents demonstrate their support with hugs, affection and quality time. Ideally, a child needs to have this kind of attention from both parents.

When parents divorce, children often feel that they are in some way responsible. Patience may be required when trying to reassure the child that they are in no way accountable and that both parents still love them.

To aid in this, it is helpful for the parents to be as amicable as possible. Hostility and awkwardness will only exacerbate the child's concerns. Children of all ages need both parents present and involved in their lives. At first, it is likely to be difficult to maintain civility, but it's important for both parents to remember the needs of their child.

Stability and routine are also fundamental to children's happiness. As mentioned before, a divorce is likely to leave them feeling dislocated and insecure. Routine is very comforting, so the sooner that everyday stability can be achieved the better.

It may also be helpful to rally family and friends around. Children, especially older children, do not always feel comfortable talking with their parents. Therefore, having aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents friends, or teachers to confide in will be beneficial.

A divorce is never an easy time. Children, however, can be particularly damaged by their parents' break-up if it is not handled well. But, by establishing clear channels of communication, a child can be reassured and become a stronger, well-balanced adult.

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