by Rich Sabatini

Created on: June 06, 2009   Last Updated: June 07, 2009

In the mid 1960's, Congress- lobbied hard by Ralph Nader decided they would make cars safer; and legislated the "improvements" which would eventually drive Americans to imports.

First, seat belts became mandatory. Nobody wore 'em; they were little more than some loosely-fastened lap restraint (something like worn at an amusement park kiddie ride), and were nothing but a nuisance- especially when you sat on the buckle, or cleaned the interior of the car.

But blame it all on Ralph Nader's childhood- after boarding a kiddie ride that he obviously didn't think was too safe.

Next, it was those worthless front-passenger head restraints. But rather than preventing whiplash, these vision-blocking nuisances blocked one's ability to spot a car approaching in the adjacent lane.

The 1970's marked the dawning of buzzer- flasher civilization- spawning futher driving annoyances. Upon opening the driver's door...z-z-z-z-z..."You left the key in, dummy," said the buzzer. Or if you didn't buckle your seat belt, the buzzer would be persistent- it would not silence itself until you obeyed.

But this time drivers fought back. They would go to their old reliable mechanic-at the old reliable gas station- and he would REMOVE the wire to the god-darn buzzer.

Then, auto manufactures wised up. Because "too many lives were being lost," the car engineers wired them into the horn-harness assembly, so you couldn't foil the seat belt and ignition buzzers anymore- and driving in America has never been the same.

Next it was unleaded gas, which has made the air cleaner; but V-8 cars were no longer fun to drive. Now, you could no longer jam on the gas and produce that ear-splitting, masculine sound of screeching tires. The customary fun of peelin' out of Mickey-D's- or "laying a strip" in front of your high school- faded off into the environmental sunset.

American cars are now "sterile", and are not even cars now- basically trucks disguised as an s.u.v. Of course, they're safer than a Soviet tank...IF you should crash.

But what if you're never in a violent crash? Oh well... it's the THOUGHT of being safe that's worth it .The cars of today are safe, but nobody really likes 'em. And that's why GM and the American auto industry are approaching extinction; and standing to benefit are the foreign car manufacturers.

This means less work for U.S. auto parts makers; less work for our heavy industries; less money for local economies. Laid-off auto workers will stay at home now -watch TV-

• 1
• 2
• Next Page >>