by Angel Brohawn

Created on: June 06, 2009   Last Updated: June 10, 2009

I am a child of an open adoption. I chose closed adoption. The reason that I chose this option was not because I think it's best. I was told that I could see my mother, sometimes. Then, other times, I was not permitted to see her. I do believe that if an open adoption arrangement is made, then there needs to be a regular visitation schedule. There also needs to be a peaceable agreement between the parties that the child's best interest are always at first hand. A closed adoption can sometimes be easier on a child. Though it must be understood that either way of adoption is going to have some sort of effect on the child.

Regardless of whether a child grows up in a better home or not, there will always be that emptiness there. I really don't have a relationship with my adopted family. I have grown to have a relationship with my biological mother, though it is a strained relationship sometimes. I have four children of my own now. I would rather struggle everyday of my life than be without them. I would rather encourage mothers and fathers, regardless of age or financial situations, to embrace the struggle of raising your children. I would have rather grown up with nothing, than without the woman who brought me into the world. I feel that it is unfair for any child to be without their mother and father. We do live in a society where we have made it easier and easier for parents to abandon their children rather than provide support and education to young mothers and fathers. It has been a growing concern. Our foster care system is, and always has been, falling short of what is right for our children. Too many are being lost in the system, and even after adolescence, its all they know. Many end up in jail, or on drugs. Are these children to blame for the outcome of their lives? How can anyone blame a child for growing to be a criminal, when their whole life they never had the comfort of a mother? They had to fight the other foster children for food,or cry everyday and not have a soul to comfort them. These children don't understand what is happening.

So, regardless of open or closed adoption, there is always going to be something missing. I do not think that an adopted parent should deceive a child by saying that they are the biological parent. When the child is of age, it is hard to hide medical history. Not to mention hereditary medical conditions that everyone should know about themselves. Everyone has the right to know where they stem from. That does not mean that the adopted parent must have an open adoption; just that they should know that their new child is going to need to know these things. If you are not prepared to admit to your child that you are not the birth parent, then you are not prepared to deal with the child's BEST INTEREST. If you are not prepared to sit down with your child in a loving and understanding manner to explain to them about their parents, their medical history,etc. that has to do with their lives, you are not prepared to be a PARENT. Thanks for reading.

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