by Kristina K.Summers

Created on: June 06, 2009   Last Updated: June 19, 2009

Divorce is hard at any age, but children often have a harder time than most. Despite their parents assurances many feel that they are in some way responisible, taking on guilt and putting enormous amounts of pressure on themselves.

If you are going through a divorce with children, there are ways you can help them get through the worst of it, while making sure they remain positive. While difficult and challenging. you as a parent can ensure that your child feels loved and supported so that they will come through this dissicult time with a more positive self-image and a better relationship with both parents.

1. Ditch the blame game - So often parents resort to childish behavior during a divorce. Children pick this up and become quick to blame, or pass the buck when something goes wrong. This can set them up for a world of hurt as they continue to develop so it is better to remember the golden rule in this case - if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.

2. Make time for your child to be expressive - Many children do not know how to deal with the tangle of emotions they experience when their parents divorce. Often the adults are so focused on themselves they tend to overlook their children's feelings. If children feel that their feelings are invalid they may push them down, suppressing their emotions until they reach a boiling point. Make a point to ask your child how they feel and do not react inappropriately, even if you do not understand or agree with their opinion. Just letting them speak may do them and you a world of good as far as emotional recovery.

3. Make time for both parents - regardless of who left who, a child needs both parents. Make sure that both of you spend adequate time with your children after a divorce. The child needs to know that the divorce had nothing to do with them and the best way to show this is to continue with regular activities such as school functions, sporting events etc. The child did not choose to live this way so make an effort to ensure their life is disrupted as little as possible.

Hopefully with a little time and effort your child will come through the divorce process feeling that they are loved and supported by both parents. For this to happen though, both mom and dad have to make some tough choices on behalf of the good of those who are innocent bystanders in the world of divorce, the children.

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