Once upon a long ago
Once upon a long ago
In a far away that we all know
Lived a big big bad of stories old
Who'd suck your blood and steal your soul.
-
But times are not now as they were
Nor maidens sadly quite as fair
Mobs, once vicious, now lack style
And knights of old are all too rare.
-
"So bored I am!" cries creature foul
"It's hard sometimes to fake a scowl
Hell, I had a lass last week tied up with tape
Who didn't even seek to escape!
She said my dungeon was, "well cool"
To tell the truth, I just don't know what to do?!"
-
"That's okay sir, I'm here to help
These days the kids want real street cred
You better lose those horns and cape
They really are quite out of date."
-
"To be a baddie these days, sir
Why not try a nice coat made out of fur?
Wear a T-shirt that says "I eat meat"
And wear croc leather upon your feet."
-
"Or maybe you'd like to be hip?
Get a piercing sir right on your .... lip
Ditch the leathers too, they're so not "it"
I suggest stretched jeans that don't quite fit."
-
"With this image altered, I'm quite sure
You'll have rediscovered your allure
More frightening than the bogey man
The most feared evil in the land!"