by Anne Thrasher

Created on: June 05, 2009

When I realized that the man I loved was a drug addict, the first thing that went through my mind was "I can help him; I can get him to stop taking the drugs". I allowed myself to think this for a couple months. Then reality began to set in. It did not matter how much I loved him. It did not even matter how much he loved me. The drugs took away the essence of the person he had been. I finally realized that this person I had lived with for over two years had become a stranger to me.

Through support groups, I learned that an addict is responsible for themselves. I could do nothing to stop this roller-coaster that my life had become. I felt betrayed and frustrated because I had no say in the matter. It was hard to accept that the man I loved had chosen drugs over me. The drugs took away his ability to understand consequences. He did not think that his drug abuse affected me, because he was not abusive and did not cheat on me. I could never make him understand that the drugs had changed him. He never realized I felt like I did not know him anymore.

I tried begging and pleading with him; I tried to guilt him into quitting the drugs, nothing worked. He did go to rehab for a little while, but he was having drugs brought in to him there. His need for the drugs quickly overshadowed his love for me. When he was not on the drugs, he would tell me how very much he loved me, and promise that it would stop. It just never did. The craving for the drugs was stronger than his desire to stop taking them.

He had always been such a loving person. We very seldom had any arguments or disagreement. He was always very outgoing; we spent a lot of time doing things with friends. Then one day an old friend from high school came for a visit. This friend talked him into doing some drugs. That day was the beginning of the end of our relationship. The drug use just seemed to take over his life. He lost interest in the things we had always done together. He was only happy when he was doing the drugs. It is hard to believe that a person can change so much so quickly; but when drugs are involved, it does not take long for a person's life to be turned upside down.

Loving a drug addict was one of the most painful experiences of my life. The drugs took something beautiful and warm and turned it into something ugly and cold. I finally had to leave him for my own sanity. It was a hard thing to do. I love him even now nineteen years later. The fact that I could not save him is something that haunts me still.

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