by Ong Kian Hui

Created on: June 05, 2009   Last Updated: March 23, 2011

One of the most tragic things that could happen in a person's life is that of the passing away of a loved one. Often, the person who loses his loved one finds himself in a period of grief after the death of his loved one. The person grieving may exhibit symptoms characteristics of grief such as withdrawal from friends and family, loss of appetite, insomnia and becoming more reserved and quiet. While it is common for people losing their loved one to enter into a state of grief, it is imperative that their lives return to normalcy as soon as possible; prolonged grief may spiral into detrimental effects on the grieving person. Suicides thoughts are one of the most common experiences of persons suffering from prolonged periods of grief from losing a loved one.

A person suffering from grief of losing a loved one needs all the help from you and I to help him move on with his life! In our capacity as colleagues, friends, relatives or family members, we can definitely do our parts in helping others deal with grief from losing their loved ones.

First of all, we need to help the grieving party accept the reality of the passing of his loved one. Often, the person grieving from the death of his loved one cannot accept the reality that his loved one has indeed left him for good. Console the grieving party; help him to acknowledge the unpredictability and vagaries of life by words and comfort.

Secondly, it is crucial to enter the world of the grieving party through communication. Often the grieving party finds his world collapsing upon the death of his loved one and hence may shut himself from the rest of the world. Proactively seek to interact with the grieving party. Console him, set the grieving party talking to enter into his world. It may take an effort or two to engage him in a conversation before he responses, but the patience and effort will be worthwhile. Never stop trying to open the grieving party to communication and once he does, offer your best listening ears to him, listen attentively to him and give your focused and undivided attention to what he say and he needs. Give him the support that he needs financially, emotionally and spiritually. One could involve a few of the grieving party's colleagues, church mates and friends to assist the grieving party to open up.

Once the grieving party has opened up to you, the battle is already half won! However, the unpleasant memories of the death of his loved one are hard to go by and these may still linger in his mind. At this juncture, you should help the grieving party reduce these unpleasant memories by more pleasant experiences. Volunteer to organize regular overseas tours, local trips or even little excursions and gatherings for the grieving party. Involve as many of his friends or relatives in these outings as possible and create opportunities for the grieving party to interact with them and make the events fun and wacky! Alternatively, help the grieving party enroll for courses he may be interested which could be anything from a Yoga class, a piano course or a cooking class lasting a minimum of a month. The aim of these regular outings, gatherings and courses is to enable the grieving party to refocus his mind into other constructive pursuits and reconnect with the world so that the unpleasant memories of the death of his loved one will soon fade.

An excess of anything is bad. While we could adopt the approaches mentioned in this article to help a grieving party deal with the demise of his loved one, we must be cognizant of the need to give the grieving party some personal space and time for him to come to terms with the demise of his loved one. 

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