by Marcy Burlock

Created on: June 04, 2009   Last Updated: June 05, 2009

When I first met Doug, a friend I have known for over 17 years; he didn't initially tell me he was adopted. Not that he was ashamed of it, but he saw his adopted family as his "real family.' It was a closed adoption; so he didn't know who his birth parents were, nor did his parents.

He grew up in a small town, with much older brothers and sisters, never knowing he was adopted until he was 18 years old. It was during a family argument that it came out at all; he later found out his parents had no intention of ever telling him.

Like with any adopted child who learns they are adopted as an adult, he was angry and hurt. Upset that his parents had never told him the truth. He had suspected it for most of his life, since he has no physical resemblance to either of his parents. He had always felt different and set apart from them; that went beyond being almost 20 years younger than his closest sibling. Now he had the answer for that.

Through the years, we had numerous conversations about adoption and how he felt about it. He himself had thought of adopting children, giving one or two a good home. He had expressed little interest at first in finding anything to do with his birth parents, believing it better to leave it in the past. They had given him up, and he had no real desire to find them.

One year he found he was having some medical problems, ones that were diagnosed and treated. It got him to thinking of what else he might have to worry about. Most of us have our birth families nearby to know what might be in our medical history through genetics; but being adopted he had no idea. We began talking again about the prospect of him finding his birth mother.

It took many conversations, and some convincing, until he finally applied to the Children's Aid Society; the agency through whom his adoption took place, to request the information he would need. They told him he would have to apply at first for Non-Identifying information. In a sense, only his birth weight, town he was born in and very minor details about his Mom; minus her name.

He received the Non-identifying information in the mail and quickly read through it. One thing he wasn't expecting in it was he had an older sister. This information didn't sit well with him at first. Like anyone, he was thinking why was he given up, if the older sister was kept? We talked about it for days afterward. He was prepared to let the search go at this, but I remember telling him, he would regret it for the rest of

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