by Priscilla Benfield

Created on: June 04, 2009   Last Updated: June 19, 2009

Dealing with the innocent victims of divorce is something that many people fail to put enough emphasis on. Divorce is disruptive to a childhood, no matter the age of the child. While some parents are too focused on the messy details of the divorce, the emotional well-being of the child is neglected. Helping a child through a divorce is more than determining who the child is going to live with. Before that decision is made, the emotional toll that a divorce inflicts on a child needs to be addressed.

Children do best when they have structure and security in their lives. They look to their parents to provide these things to them, and when they are told their parents are divorcing they are thrown into a tornado of emotions that without help can leave life-long damage.

Parents need to take care in shielding their children from the ugliness of their impending divorce. There is no need to argue or place blame for the divorce when explaining the changes that your family will be going through. Assuring your child that you both will be available for them is essential. Your child's life is going to change because your living arrangements will be different. Doing your best as a parent to ensure that your child feels safe and secure is your responsibility. Divorce can be ugly and there is no reason why a parent has to punish the child for the failure of the marriage.

Try to include your child in any changes in living arrangements. If the child will be staying at the father's house, include your child in the selection of personal items to put in their room. When a child is shuffled back and forth between parents, having the feeling of being home is essential in their feeling as though they belong.

As early as possible, seek counseling for your child. A child needs to be able to have an adult in their life who is impartial and can help them learn how to deal with the changes that are coming their way. There are many different kinds of therapy. Some children do well with talk therapy and some are able to face their fears through art therapy. Children act out as a response to feeling insecure and upset. Telling your child that mommy and daddy will not be living together anymore shatters your child's world. Try to think of how your child looks at you and your spouse. Even a teenager feels insecure when their parents divorce. It is normal behavior for children to test boundaries by playing one parent against the other. Resist the urge to be the parent who tries to please

• 1
• 2
• Next Page >>