Divorce is a very hard time when it comes to the breakdown of not only two people but of an entire family. Parents need to be prepared to help their children cope with the fact that mom and dad are no longer going to be living together under the same roof.
The first step to helping children is giving them the space that they need to express the emotion that they may be feeling as well as understanding that they will have many mixed feelings about the entire situation. Once the child is aware that his/her parents will no longer be together it is extremely critical that the child understand that he/she had no part in causing the separation and that divorce is an adult concept. Furthermore, the child's current routine should be held to as much as possible. Once the parents have settled into new residences, it is important to define a new schedule that involves the child and how his/her routine will be shared between the parents.
In addition to keeping the child in awareness of the divorce, it is important the both parents remain civil in front of the child when it comes to the other parent. Parents should not verbally demean the other parent in front of the child, nor should the child become the messenger between the two people. Divorce must stay between the adults and the life of the child should be kept positive throughout the entire process.
Here are some things that parents can do to help the child get through the divorce without feeling at fault or emotionally distraught:
1. Counseling:
Counseling should be used for the parents involved in order to avoid using the child to become the confidant of the parent. Parents should never rely on the child to become the person that they go to for advice and emotional support! Parents should seek help if they do not feel that they can cope with the divorce on their own. Beside the parents seeking counseling, if the child involved is feeling upset about the situation and it begins to affect their behavior, schooling, and overall well-being it is very important that child can have an outside source, such as a counselor to talk to about the divorce between his/her parents.
2. Activities
Finding activities that the child can share with each parent individually is important too. This helps maintain the strong connections, as well as introduce the idea that divorce will not hurt the relationships between the child and each parent. Some great activities are reading together, finding an outdoor activity (swimming, camping, going to sporting events, etc...), sharing a hobby, and establishing a form of guaranteed communication. Creating a fun and stable environment can significantly reduce the stress that the child may feel, as well as help them cope with the divorce.
3. A Video Game
Earthquake in Zipland is a child's video game that helps children cope with divorce in a manner that is fun(ok well divorce isn't fun, but this will lighten the mood), and communicative way that can help the children involve the parents in the feelings that they are experiencing. The video game can be used as a part of mental therapy as well.
Divorce is never easy, especially for children, but giving your children the positive attention that they need through this hard time will ease the transition from a single family, to a split-family.