by Barry Parham

Created on: June 04, 2009

Memo From Management

Dear Valued Internal Partners,

Good news! After intense negotiation at our recent working weekend in St. Croix, your Management Team is proud to announce an alternative financing solution to help us navigate the current economic crisis. And we want all of you to celebrate with us!

Thanks to Congress and our recently co-elected President of America and Europe, our company can now take advantage of the new bill known as CLASP (Comically Ludicrous American Spending Policy), a bill which all members of Congress agree was probably well-written.

CLASP will allow us to address our critical debt reduction needs in revolutionary new ways, enhanced by some solid, ancient advice offered by visitors from the Chinese company who have been spending a lot of time here lately.

So, to mark this historic first step into a bold, new, collective future, next week has been designated Condescension Week!

Here's the schedule for the week. It'll be fun!

Monday

Scavenger Hunt Day!

Look under the desk in your cube. Find the phone jack. Then, on Monday, wear something the same color as the bubble gum stalactite closest to the phone jack. But dress to impress, because the visitors from the Chinese company who have been spending a lot of time here lately will be stopping by to play Red Rover.

Each Valued Internal Partner will receive their own personal jelly bean with their own personal cube number stamped on, followed by a short discussion on calligraphy. Remember your cube number so you can participate!

If you need help locating your phone jack, please find a member of HelpDesk and interrupt whatever they're doing at the moment. They'll be wearing identical red caps and an unusually bitter expression.

Tuesday

Ancestor Appreciation Day!

Wear something the same color as your eyes. It'll be fun!

Note to Middle Management: those are the two things in your head above your nose. You have one on each side of your nose, just to the north. One on each side. Wear something that same color. In other words, if your eyes are blue, wear something blue. Blue is a color. In other words, if you have blue eyes, put on some blue clothes, or have someone dress you in blue clothes. Again, your eyes are located just above your nose.

Each Valued Internal Partner will receive a bag of bread crumbs for this afternoon's Imperialist Fairy Tale Re-education relay race. Or use the bread crumbs to feed the birds. Or save them for a rainy

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